Yeah, I didn't sleep much last night.
Why not?
I was talking to an angel all night. Actually, I was wrestling him so he would bless me. He changed my name so please call me "Striving with God" now instead of "Liar." I'm filling out the out the forms to have the appropriate change.
I went outside this morning to feed my dog and he audibly started talkin to me.
Really? Your...your dog? What did he say?
He started talking about my spiritual life and how I was taking the easy way in life rather than actually following God. Then he told me, he also likes the old dog food better than the new stuff.
Hey honey, you back from the store?
Yeah, I got some new things to try. Check out this fruit.
Oh, how'd you hear about this.
Well there was a snake hanging around that back corner that suggested it. He said it will do incredible things for your mind. Better than ginkgo balova.
Hello, white house.
Yes, I'd like to schedule a meeting with the President.
Ok, he's very busy. What does this matter pertain to?
I'd like to take all the blue color workers and go to Canada.
Ok. Why is that?
I was our farming one day and a bush caught fire and talked to me. He told me to come here and take them north.
Good for you sir. It looks like the president is pretty busy these days. Perhaps while you wait you can drink lots of fluids and talk to a counselor about this bush.
Ok. Thanks. My brother and I be there in a week to pick them up.
Hey man. What are you doing?
Packing up. Me and the fam are heading out. Taking the cattle with us too.
Oh man, I hate to see you go. Where are you going to?
I don't know yet.
Oh, did something happen around here that you have to leave?
No.
...nothing bad happened? Do you need better schools or something? Closer to family?
Nothing bad happened. We homeschool and actually all of my family's here.
Oh, so...why are you leaving?
God told me to.
Right...did he say where?
No. He just said move and I'll tell you where to go.
...ok. So y'all headed north or south or out west or...?
I don't know. I figured God would tell us when we left.
When are you leaving?
Tomorrow.
Oh. When did you all decide this?
Last night, God told us.
Oh. Ok. Right. Well then... Maybe I'll see you later?
Yeah, probably not but it's a good sentiment.
General Patton, what's our orders? We've got the scouting report of Bagdad, what do you think?
Well leave at 0600 hours. And take the whole fleet to the west flank.
Ok. West flank.
Then we'll have people who have instruments on the frontline playing worship music. The rest will walk silently around the city parameter.
Sir, are you sure?
Yes. Well do this for the next seven days.
What about enemy fire?
Well be fine. The seventh day, we'll make 7 laps around the city parameter. Then the buildings will crumble and well have infantry swarm the rest.
Should we send in the air strike before?
No. We don't need them. The buildings will fall down when we yell at them.
Sir, permission to speak freely?
Permission granted.
Are you feeling ok? With all due respect, this does not sound like a wise military procedure.
You're right it doesn't. But it's ok. God told me to do this. We'll be fine.
Yes sir. (goes to higher official to report Patton as mentally AWOL and needing relieved of command.)
Good morning. Its a privilege to get to come back and see you all so many years after we started this church. So today's sermon is going to be a little different than what we normally do. An angel came into my room last night and explained grace to me much better than some people have preaching it or teaching for a while. Ok so this what the gospel really is- ignore what people have been teaching you, I want to take you back...
What's your 5 year plan?
Well, I want to go ahead and do my last middle eastern tour ending up in Italy.
Oh Italy is such a beautiful place. You'll love it there. The food is so fresh and the scenery is amazing.
Yeah, well...I'm pretty sure I'm going to be tortured and possibly die there.
Say what?!
I kinda keep getting these ideas that only harm awaits me there. Even others have told me.
So why are you going?! What the crap! Stay away from there!
Oh no! My heart burns so much to go there.
To die?! Look at pictures, hear others stories, don't go there.
My heart burns within me to tell them about Jesus.
Oh. Its for Jesus. He'll protect you. Nothing bad happens to his people.
Well, on my last few trips I've beaten multiple times to near death, thrown in prison, and my ship I was a prisoner on wrecked too.
Are you crazy?! You must have some sin in your life or not in the will of God.
No. I'm pretty sure I'm there. This is my role.
Well...I don't know. We'll pray that God shows you the real way.
He has and it's to Rome, Italy.
That's just crazy talk. Send someone else and be safe with yourself. That's just not using your head. You want to be wise and be a good steward.
True, but I want to be more obedient than I am wise. I'm leaving in a few days.
Man, are you ok?
Yeah... Kind of. I can't see.
What do you mean you can't see? What happened? You spill something in your eyes?
No. I was walking to work with the guys and this bright light appeared. And it spoke...
What do you mean it spoke? You drink enough water?
Yes, I drank. He said...
He?
Yeah, " Why are you working against me?" Who are you? I asked. "Im Jesus" he said "and now you'll be blind."
What?! You met Jesus? Dude, Jesus has been gone a while now. And I thought Jesus was all love and such. I didn't know he's blinding people.
Well he told me where to go to have this fixed. I guess he is love but when your against Him, His love is protecting and correcting.
I don't know dude. Jesus?! Seriously? The dead guy?
Yeah man, I swear.
Nothing? You can't see a thing? Really? How many fingers am I holding up?
I don't know, Steve. I told you, I can't see.
Oh man. You're serious. But Jesus?! Are you taking some new vitamin or something that reacts in the sunlight or causes vision impairment?
No.
You eat anything new?
Nope.
How'd you sleep last night?
Like a rock.
Hmmm. I don't know dude. I just don't know.
If you want to live forever- eat my skin and flesh and drink my blood.
Say what?!
Mary Elizabeth?!
What mom?
What is this I found in your bathroom?!
Um...a pregnancy test.
And I see a little plus sign. Mary Elizabeth! I cannot believe this. I thought we raises you better. We told you about this, we guided you, we trusted you. And this, this is what you've done with our trust?!
Mom, let me explain!
There's no explanation. I know how this works. I... We'll have to move and say your husband died and...your husband! Jo! Jo will never want a slut like you... It's not Jo is it? Is he the father?
No. He's not. Let me expl...
Good. I knew him to be a good man. I thought the same of you. But I was wrong. I...
MOM!
What?!
Let me tell you!
Go. Fine. Just say it and finish off my heart.
An angel from God came and told me God was giving me the baby even though I am still a virgin.
Mary Elizabeth! It's been 400 years since anyone's heard from God and now you're bringing religion into this. Why you? Why a girl?! He's never used girls like this before. This is not in our teachings! Don't try to bring some religion into this. Fess up to your own mistakes. So really, who's the father?
Mom, I told you it's God.
Oh Mary, I don't want to hear that. I have to go talk to your father to figure out what to do with you.
And many many many more. Perhaps I need to read the Bible realizing how crazy some of the stuff was, then expect and perhaps accept some of the other crazy stuff He could be doing today.
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