Leave.

What do I have to do to get you out of my life?
I don't want you here!
You are NOT welcome.

Then why do I keep allowing you to hang around.
Why do I keep leaving the door open.
It's not that I let you in,
it's that I let everything in.

Do I enjoy the breeze that much?
Or the freedom that comes with being unguarded?
But isn't real freedom found in protection?
In guaranteed certainty.

It feels so right and good when you're around.
Before and after I still often dream or imagine what it would be like.

But when I face You.
It's what we don't talk about.
It's what I try to reason out.
It's what I ask about but you don't answer...
or maybe what I ask about but then don't listen.

It's the thing same thing when someone else confronts me with,
I know exactly what side of the fence it's on
and know the full weight of what it brings.
But I am too good at reasoning.
At explaining it to make sense to myself.
Of making it ok.

I need You to save me.
I can't fight this any more.
I've found myself on the other side,
fighting both ways.
You say height or depth, life or death,
wilderness or city, poverty or plenty,
no rulers or authorities of light or dark,
nothing can separate you from me.
But why do I push You away?
Please save me from myself.

Save me. Come and rescue me.
There's no one else here but me and this war.
I'm losing fast. Come quickly.
The battle is here infront of me.
I can't fight anymore.
Save me.