What do I have to do to get you out of my life?
I don't want you here!
You are NOT welcome.
Then why do I keep allowing you to hang around.
Why do I keep leaving the door open.
It's not that I let you in,
it's that I let everything in.
Do I enjoy the breeze that much?
Or the freedom that comes with being unguarded?
But isn't real freedom found in protection?
In guaranteed certainty.
It feels so right and good when you're around.
Before and after I still often dream or imagine what it would be like.
But when I face You.
It's what we don't talk about.
It's what I try to reason out.
It's what I ask about but you don't answer...
or maybe what I ask about but then don't listen.
It's the thing same thing when someone else confronts me with,
I know exactly what side of the fence it's on
and know the full weight of what it brings.
But I am too good at reasoning.
At explaining it to make sense to myself.
Of making it ok.
I need You to save me.
I can't fight this any more.
I've found myself on the other side,
fighting both ways.
You say height or depth, life or death,
wilderness or city, poverty or plenty,
no rulers or authorities of light or dark,
nothing can separate you from me.
But why do I push You away?
Please save me from myself.
Save me. Come and rescue me.
There's no one else here but me and this war.
I'm losing fast. Come quickly.
The battle is here infront of me.
I can't fight anymore.
Save me.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Far Sighted.
"If sin just effects me, why does it matter to everyone else?"
Something we hear or have said all the time.
"My relationship with God is my own business, so I don't want to say."
I guess I find it really hard when I come home and am alone. I don't really get to see anyone most of the day. I'm just working on my own stuff. Either cleaning or working on graphics or working outside by myself. It's easy for me to let my relationship with God just kinda slack off. I give it a rest. It's not as dominant as it is when I'm around people because then I know it effects people and I can help them. When I'm at home in the preparation stage, I don't prepare very well. I don't have the bigger picture in mind because I can't help someone immediately.
But I was reading through Deuteronomy and came across the 10 Commandments. Pretty important little section in there. But the end of verse 9b-10 stuck out to me. "for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of their fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments."
It began to sink in more and more. Punishing the children for 3 and 4 generations. That means my kids are going to have to go deal with consequences of my actions, not only that but my grandkids, and my great grandkids would deal with my sins I committed yesterday and today.
This first hit me when I was reading through the story of David and Bathsheba in 2 Samuel 11. Due to David's lust and carrying out that lust we see that his son dies. Later that his other son Absalom is burning with lust so much that he tricks and rapes his half-sister Tamar. You can see that the problems David has he passed onto his son. We also know that God's punishment wasn't just right then and there. It was much longer. His wives are slept with in front of Israel by his son. Murder is always an threat in the family. The list goes on.
When I read this, I thought. Dang, I need to get my act together because if I don't this could one day mess up my marriage, mess up my kids, mess up my grandkids. God kinda of just noted the fact by asking, "this could mess up things? How about this IS messing up things! Don't you realize that you are grown up enough to deal with your sins, and you are effecting how things will happen? It's time to grow up. You are grown up but you haven't realized that the consequences of your sin are effecting your kids now."
I often forget, or at-least don't rationalize in things that God works bigger than my lifetime. That my life isn't where he started a work and isn't where he's going to end it. Like at Concord he was working well before I got there and well after I'll have left. In China, he was working well before and well after. In fact, he's been working there heavily since before I was born so that I could come and play a part for these simple 11 months. That God does not start new or refresh ideas every-time someone else is born. That each person automatically is born into a story already in process.
Now, obviously, everyone gets their own chance, their own choice of what to do with Jesus. Everyone has the decision to make. I'm not talking about the weight and the guilt of sin, but the consequences of it. Thanks to what Jesus did on the cross, we don't have to deal with the weight or guilt of sin. He's already taken all of it. The consequences we do deal with. Example, sex before your married. God will forgive you for doing it, but you may still end up with a baby. God will forgive you for stealing something, but you'll probably have to pay for it or go to jail. You may have not listened to God for a romantic relationship and now have to deal with emotional ties you have between the person. The list can go on in any situation of how we have to deal with our consequences but not the guilt of our sin.
The beautiful part of that verse though and the part to celebrate is not the punishing the children for 3 or 4 generations, but the "showing love to a thousand generations of whose who love me and keep my commandments." We know that God is good. Here's an example of it. He is Holy and Just, but at the same time he is just overly graceful. Look at America, it's not quite the nation that is drastically seeking God's face, but still we are blessed. (If you don't think we are, shut up. We'll talk later, I'll show you proof.) That God blesses us when we do things his way.
Look at our own lives. As we started, when we were born into the story, many of us were born into pretty good Christian households. Perfect? No. But that just means we were born to humans. I've thought about this though and think about it. How much easier was it for me and you to believe in God because our parents did. We kind of grew from their faith. Things that they knew to be true, we accepted as true too. (You may argue the psychological perspective here, but hold on just a second and see it from my perspective.) If God rewards those who love him and seek his face to the thousands of generations, look at how rewarded we are. We have a solid house. Food usually at-least 2 times a day. Education. Options. Vehicles. We can believe so much more because we don't have to start where our parents started. We can do so much more because we don't have to start where they started. God has rewarded them for their obedience and let the blessings overflow to us. So many good things that we just automatically have due to our parents loving God. We get good things even when we haven't necessarily done the right thing.
Back to David. Despite the fact that he was a liar, thief, adulterer, murder, God still called him a man after his own heart. Yes, he screwed up. He sought forgiveness. He turned from his way and he went back after God. He continued to bless him and even his kids. I mean lets face it, Solomon wasn't the best example of a Godly man. But he was the smartest man to ever walk the face of the earth (outside of Jesus). He also was allowed to finish the great temple that his dad, David started. He was able to be King. He didn't make good decisions a lot of the time and had to deal with those, but still was blessed overall because of his fathers good.
Again in Chapter 7, v9 is just awesome. It describes God as faithful, because he keeps his covenant (promise) to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands. That means that America is still being blessed now, because of our Great, Great, Great, Great, (1000x) Grandparents were obedient to God.
It give me a little more fuel to live longer. To be more far sighted than just here and now. To be thankful for God's faithfulness. To see that everything is part of the bigger plan. To live like it too. I'd rather bless not punish my kids and grandkids with my relationship with God and how I live.
Something we hear or have said all the time.
"My relationship with God is my own business, so I don't want to say."
I guess I find it really hard when I come home and am alone. I don't really get to see anyone most of the day. I'm just working on my own stuff. Either cleaning or working on graphics or working outside by myself. It's easy for me to let my relationship with God just kinda slack off. I give it a rest. It's not as dominant as it is when I'm around people because then I know it effects people and I can help them. When I'm at home in the preparation stage, I don't prepare very well. I don't have the bigger picture in mind because I can't help someone immediately.
But I was reading through Deuteronomy and came across the 10 Commandments. Pretty important little section in there. But the end of verse 9b-10 stuck out to me. "for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of their fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments."
It began to sink in more and more. Punishing the children for 3 and 4 generations. That means my kids are going to have to go deal with consequences of my actions, not only that but my grandkids, and my great grandkids would deal with my sins I committed yesterday and today.
This first hit me when I was reading through the story of David and Bathsheba in 2 Samuel 11. Due to David's lust and carrying out that lust we see that his son dies. Later that his other son Absalom is burning with lust so much that he tricks and rapes his half-sister Tamar. You can see that the problems David has he passed onto his son. We also know that God's punishment wasn't just right then and there. It was much longer. His wives are slept with in front of Israel by his son. Murder is always an threat in the family. The list goes on.
When I read this, I thought. Dang, I need to get my act together because if I don't this could one day mess up my marriage, mess up my kids, mess up my grandkids. God kinda of just noted the fact by asking, "this could mess up things? How about this IS messing up things! Don't you realize that you are grown up enough to deal with your sins, and you are effecting how things will happen? It's time to grow up. You are grown up but you haven't realized that the consequences of your sin are effecting your kids now."
I often forget, or at-least don't rationalize in things that God works bigger than my lifetime. That my life isn't where he started a work and isn't where he's going to end it. Like at Concord he was working well before I got there and well after I'll have left. In China, he was working well before and well after. In fact, he's been working there heavily since before I was born so that I could come and play a part for these simple 11 months. That God does not start new or refresh ideas every-time someone else is born. That each person automatically is born into a story already in process.
Now, obviously, everyone gets their own chance, their own choice of what to do with Jesus. Everyone has the decision to make. I'm not talking about the weight and the guilt of sin, but the consequences of it. Thanks to what Jesus did on the cross, we don't have to deal with the weight or guilt of sin. He's already taken all of it. The consequences we do deal with. Example, sex before your married. God will forgive you for doing it, but you may still end up with a baby. God will forgive you for stealing something, but you'll probably have to pay for it or go to jail. You may have not listened to God for a romantic relationship and now have to deal with emotional ties you have between the person. The list can go on in any situation of how we have to deal with our consequences but not the guilt of our sin.
The beautiful part of that verse though and the part to celebrate is not the punishing the children for 3 or 4 generations, but the "showing love to a thousand generations of whose who love me and keep my commandments." We know that God is good. Here's an example of it. He is Holy and Just, but at the same time he is just overly graceful. Look at America, it's not quite the nation that is drastically seeking God's face, but still we are blessed. (If you don't think we are, shut up. We'll talk later, I'll show you proof.) That God blesses us when we do things his way.
Look at our own lives. As we started, when we were born into the story, many of us were born into pretty good Christian households. Perfect? No. But that just means we were born to humans. I've thought about this though and think about it. How much easier was it for me and you to believe in God because our parents did. We kind of grew from their faith. Things that they knew to be true, we accepted as true too. (You may argue the psychological perspective here, but hold on just a second and see it from my perspective.) If God rewards those who love him and seek his face to the thousands of generations, look at how rewarded we are. We have a solid house. Food usually at-least 2 times a day. Education. Options. Vehicles. We can believe so much more because we don't have to start where our parents started. We can do so much more because we don't have to start where they started. God has rewarded them for their obedience and let the blessings overflow to us. So many good things that we just automatically have due to our parents loving God. We get good things even when we haven't necessarily done the right thing.
Back to David. Despite the fact that he was a liar, thief, adulterer, murder, God still called him a man after his own heart. Yes, he screwed up. He sought forgiveness. He turned from his way and he went back after God. He continued to bless him and even his kids. I mean lets face it, Solomon wasn't the best example of a Godly man. But he was the smartest man to ever walk the face of the earth (outside of Jesus). He also was allowed to finish the great temple that his dad, David started. He was able to be King. He didn't make good decisions a lot of the time and had to deal with those, but still was blessed overall because of his fathers good.
Again in Chapter 7, v9 is just awesome. It describes God as faithful, because he keeps his covenant (promise) to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands. That means that America is still being blessed now, because of our Great, Great, Great, Great, (1000x) Grandparents were obedient to God.
It give me a little more fuel to live longer. To be more far sighted than just here and now. To be thankful for God's faithfulness. To see that everything is part of the bigger plan. To live like it too. I'd rather bless not punish my kids and grandkids with my relationship with God and how I live.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
"Love Me"
"Love me."
"Love me."
That's all it said.
Standing there all alone.
Two words side by side.
In matching juxtaposition.
To who is it from?
To who is it for?
It seems a command.
For it's not loved me as in a story or praise.
It's not loving me, as in a current action.
Love me, as in a future action.
Break it down.
I know what Love is.
I mean I think I know.
Do I know?
I know of it, but do I know it?
Do I understand it?
How do I express it?
Do I know what it means?
I've seen it expressed.
But have I expressed it?
Have I shown it?
Have I expressed it?
I have said it, but to show it?
I have cried it out, "Love Me"
while in desperate need.
But how do I respond when someone tells it to me.
It's just two simple words.
but put them side by side
in an area lacking contextual clues
and we search for what they are trying to say.
What do you mean?
or maybe it's what do I mean?
To whom would you say this?
How would they respond?
"Love me"
Thats all I know.
Show it to your kids.
Show it to your spouse.
Take it to your church.
Present it in your workplace.
Where did this come from?
And where will it go from here?
"Love me."
That's all it said.
Standing there all alone.
Two words side by side.
In matching juxtaposition.
To who is it from?
To who is it for?
It seems a command.
For it's not loved me as in a story or praise.
It's not loving me, as in a current action.
Love me, as in a future action.
Break it down.
I know what Love is.
I mean I think I know.
Do I know?
I know of it, but do I know it?
Do I understand it?
How do I express it?
Do I know what it means?
I've seen it expressed.
But have I expressed it?
Have I shown it?
Have I expressed it?
I have said it, but to show it?
I have cried it out, "Love Me"
while in desperate need.
But how do I respond when someone tells it to me.
It's just two simple words.
but put them side by side
in an area lacking contextual clues
and we search for what they are trying to say.
What do you mean?
or maybe it's what do I mean?
To whom would you say this?
How would they respond?
"Love me"
Thats all I know.
Show it to your kids.
Show it to your spouse.
Take it to your church.
Present it in your workplace.
Where did this come from?
And where will it go from here?
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Setting things right.
Why do I give?
It's not even that I broke?
I didn't even fight that long.
I just went with the good feelings.
I was on my guard and as I let it down it seemed ok.
Then it grew like a crescendo in the night.
Consciously hearing it, but like a slight drown
I ignore the warning siren going off in the distance.
Suddenly the fire hits the building beside me.
I see the fire, yet do not move.
It begins to engulf my very surroundings.
All around me it grows.
Red, Heat, Burning.
Still I sit, just not wanting to move.
I can see the cool blue outside,
where there is freedom,
where there is air.
where there is healing and life.
But still I sit being consumed.
Because what? I want to feel something.
Some sort of adrenaline rush.
This numbness of just being here.
So sick of it, so sick of pushing through.
My sin stands before me.
Like a coat of oil that numbs my skin.
Unable to feel, yet inwardly eating away at my body.
Scrape it off so I can feel.
Drop me in flour to stop the burning.
Heal me.
Make me the way I was meant to be.
This self-imposed feeling sensation is not it either.
Why can I not just live the way I was created for?
Why is there all this striving?
Why the numbness?
Why the pain?
Why my consistent stupidity and ignorance?
Why my awful disobedience?
When will I break free from my selfish ways?
When will I finally live for Love?
When will I seek your face more than my enjoyment?
God I'm sorry for my short-sightedness.
I'm sorry for making your love something to be accomplished.
I'm sorry for being so selfish in my desires.
I'm sorry for wanting to be happy more than love you.
I'm sorry I haven't loved you the way I should.
I'm sorry for being so task oriented that I've missed your heart.
I'm sorry that I haven't cleared this up before.
I'm sorry for not making time to confess this to you.
I'm sorry for my half-hearted prayers.
I'm sorry for actually talking to you, but just thinking about it.
I'm sorry for being so closed off to you and others.
God I don't just want to say I'm sorry.
But this is me, on my face. saying things are going to change.
I don't want things to be the.
Here and now. Change me.
Because I can't do them on my own.
I'm here. Bring me close.
Today. Now. Things are gonna change.
It's not even that I broke?
I didn't even fight that long.
I just went with the good feelings.
I was on my guard and as I let it down it seemed ok.
Then it grew like a crescendo in the night.
Consciously hearing it, but like a slight drown
I ignore the warning siren going off in the distance.
Suddenly the fire hits the building beside me.
I see the fire, yet do not move.
It begins to engulf my very surroundings.
All around me it grows.
Red, Heat, Burning.
Still I sit, just not wanting to move.
I can see the cool blue outside,
where there is freedom,
where there is air.
where there is healing and life.
But still I sit being consumed.
Because what? I want to feel something.
Some sort of adrenaline rush.
This numbness of just being here.
So sick of it, so sick of pushing through.
My sin stands before me.
Like a coat of oil that numbs my skin.
Unable to feel, yet inwardly eating away at my body.
Scrape it off so I can feel.
Drop me in flour to stop the burning.
Heal me.
Make me the way I was meant to be.
This self-imposed feeling sensation is not it either.
Why can I not just live the way I was created for?
Why is there all this striving?
Why the numbness?
Why the pain?
Why my consistent stupidity and ignorance?
Why my awful disobedience?
When will I break free from my selfish ways?
When will I finally live for Love?
When will I seek your face more than my enjoyment?
God I'm sorry for my short-sightedness.
I'm sorry for making your love something to be accomplished.
I'm sorry for being so selfish in my desires.
I'm sorry for wanting to be happy more than love you.
I'm sorry I haven't loved you the way I should.
I'm sorry for being so task oriented that I've missed your heart.
I'm sorry that I haven't cleared this up before.
I'm sorry for not making time to confess this to you.
I'm sorry for my half-hearted prayers.
I'm sorry for actually talking to you, but just thinking about it.
I'm sorry for being so closed off to you and others.
God I don't just want to say I'm sorry.
But this is me, on my face. saying things are going to change.
I don't want things to be the.
Here and now. Change me.
Because I can't do them on my own.
I'm here. Bring me close.
Today. Now. Things are gonna change.
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