One of the verses I misunderstood or was mistaught was "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry." (Col 3:5). When you think you are still evil and sinful, then you think and consider every thought or idea or deep desire you have is evil and sinful and you need to kill it off. Which is dumb...but what I tried to do.
Certain desires I tried to kill off or sacrifice for the sake of the gospel or because I didn't want it to be my identity. I also valued sacrifice and surrender over enjoyment and delight. Somehow I thought sacrifice was more holy than delight. So I gave up:
- athletics
- playing sports
- working out
- throwing a frisbee
- painting/drawing/photography/videos/creativity
- public speaking and telling stories
- relationships (romantic and friendships)--doing them/learning about them/teaching others about them
- watching movie and eating pizza with friends
- anything that I enjoyed and found comfort in
- my car and having nice things
Now, things have changed though. I'm learning after I became a Christian, my old self died and my new self came alive. (Romans 6). God said He gave us a new heart (Ez 11:19, 36:26) and new desires (Ps 37:4), so we have new ways about us. Anything dead that tries to come back, that's when we smack it down. Let's look at the list though again, "sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed." Yep, turns out that relationships wasn't on the list. Neither was enjoying to make videos or watching a movie and having a pizza with friends.
I realized I had became like child cleaning out his room and throwing away his toys (old self) to get new toys (Jesus ways), and when he gets new toys (refined/new desires) he throws them away because he's "cleaning out his room." He'll end up in a barren room always waiting for new toys but growingly unhappy because he's in an empty room...by his own choice. It becomes lonely and frustrating.
At some point, we have to realize that we're on the other side of the promise "delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desire of your heart." (Ps 37:4). Because we've delighted, now we have new desires. We're not trying to get there, we're already on the other side of the equation. The point has crossed over the promise, because the promise came when the cross has a point. We're not waiting for delivery of good things, the good things are here and we have to stop throwing them out or trying to kill them off.
But maybe this is just me and this is just too much religion I've swallowed and believed in. I'm learning now that when Jesus said He came to bring life and life more abundantly, He wasn't necessarily talking about holding onto that until Heaven. Eternal life starts now (John 17:3) so does the abundant life. We don't need to live in poverty to be holy. It's super cool if we enjoy God and how He's made us and the desires we have. I hope I continue to find this out and can clearly enunciate what this means to help all of us fully enjoy all that Jesus paid for on the cross. May you enjoy your new toys today.
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