"Holiness" - an Invitation

I grew up with an aversion to "holiness." Not the true concept but the term and its implications I hated. Even after graduating college and serving in China, I realized I kind of dreaded the word "holiness" because it seemed constricting, stripping, unpleasant, and well...I equated it with monks who sold everything, gave up all their passions, habits, and luxuries to go live in a sun-baked clay house where you can't talk but only chant. I saw it as this list that was always preached to me of things I needed to do better at or more things I needed to give up. It was draining, exhausting, condemning, and I never seemed to be getting anywhere because every preacher just kept telling me to do it more.

Looking back now, I can see it was because I had no reason to do it. I know God says "be holy as I am holy." But why? That's a command of how to do, not why. To what end were we moving towards, what was the ultimate goal of our holiness. I've picked up the saying that "Vision gives pain a purpose." When you've got the vision in front of you, the dream made tangible just beyond your fingertips, then you'll run harder, jump hurdles, stay up late at night, forgo coffees or movies to save money, forget meals, wake up early, blow past physical understandings to chase down that thing, to make it real and in your hands. 

I can't say I have a great vision now, but I do understand it a bit more. "Holiness" means "to be set apart." The issue is that in most of our culture were insecure with who we are so we just want to blend in and not be the good that sticks out. Because our insecurity we either don't want to be the odd one, or we go so far that we've made ourselves to be the odd one so we have a distinguished place and position in the group. Either way, once God tells you who you are you feel hand crafted for a specific purpose and you're ok to be different like different flavored and types of drinks. One person is pink lemonade when another is Dr. Pepper and another is raspberry flavored water and another is Jai Alai IPA.  Or consider each person a different member of an American football team: one a guard, another the quarterback, another a wide receiver, and another a linebacker. Each one is made differently and has a different flavor that they bring to the table.

Ok, so where does Holiness fit in?

Holiness is the invitation to not be like every other pink lemonade, IPA, linebacker or quarterback. Holiness is the invitation to be set apart, to stand out and taste incredible to perform at a higher level. No one likes getting in shape, but if they can see what they'll look like in the future, then it's time for the weight room. Holiness is the process of refining who you are so the greatest you comes out, is on display, and lives most radiantly. 

Lets take my brother for example. My brother wanted to get in shape, lose some weight, and build some muscle. It started with running some, then adding lifting in, then cutting out soda and some sweets. Then he created a fitness plan, started taking protein, looked up different workout programs, cut out fast food, and began drinking at least 80oz of water. It continued on to the point where Isaac now eats 5 meals a day, has most of them laid out so he knows exactly how many calories to eat at which part of the day, what workouts to do for how many weeks before switching, how to alternate, when to lift, run, sprint, do stations and to rest. He's 

Holiness means "to be set apart" is similar to an invitation to change the world. No one who did what everyone else did ever changed the world, they had to be set apart and do things differently. He's sculpted himself down from 27% body fat to 9%. He has more energy, more life, more stamina, and an overall better quality of health. This is the result of Holiness, of being set apart. He rarely its fast food and often takes his own meals so he can continue to eat healthy. When at a social event he will be careful as to what to drink, eat, how late to be out, how much sleep he needs, etc. He doesn't do what everyone else is doing because then he'd look and feel like they do. He sets himself apart so that he can live fully and achieve the vision before him.

My vision is to change the world. No one who ever changed the world did what everyone else was doing. They were "set apart" to be different and make a difference.  For me this means I can't read my bible like everyone else does, or watch tv like everyone else does, or eat and treat my body like everyone else does, I can't have poor or unhealthy relationships like everyone else does. Because I'm choosing to change the world and I'm choosing holiness, to be set apart. I still watch tv, read my bible, have relationships, eat and work out, but its all with the filter and vision of how will I change the world, how will I make an impact here.

Now, ill gladly choose holiness. Ill gladly choose being set apart- not fitting in in every circumstance because I see the vision of the man I want to become and the world I want to see. So I'll give up social norms in the culture, business, or church to pursue God in a way that He can make history through me. I would invite you to do the same. Let Him tell you who you are, then enjoy the process of being crafted into the top version of that person possible. 

But Will He Find Faith?

Promises. Justice. Fulfillment. The Kingdom.

Each of these things are ours, but often we haven't found the end of it yet. Promises God's made in scripture or in our own relationship with Him about our future. Justice to the nations and in our own life. Fulfillment of desires and passions inside of us. The Kingdom of God being made tangible and fulfilled on earth.

To each of these we haven't found the end. The completion is still beyond today. So we're waiting until tomorrow. What does it look like to wait? What do we do to wait? What's our part?

Most of us know the story of the persistent widow (Luke 18:1-8) (and perhaps sigh or get that gut-wrenching turn in your stomach when you think about it).  The story reads that there's a judge that doesn't fear God or care about people (great choice of occupations for this guy), and there's a widow who keeps coming asking for justice. The judge clearly states I don't fear God or care about you, but because you're so persistent and keep bothering me, I'll give it to you. Jesus then stops the story and ties it into the lesson saying "if this guy will give you justice, how much more do you think my Father will give to those who are persistent."

Ah, yes. And so we've learned the lesson that God is a good judge, and He will surely answer your prayers if you're persistent. So keep asking and "bothering" God with your requests and justice until you have your answer.

But wait...why does he add that last sentence in after He's made His obvious point. v8 "Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth." Um... what? Jesus, you missed the point you were just making. Now you're just adding in random stuff... or are you making a bigger point than the title my Bible gave me?

What if the point Jesus is making here isn't to stay persistent and bothering God, but what if it's believing God to fulfill His plans and promises and continuing to bring those before Him saying, "Hey, I still remember this. I'm still counting you in for this. I'm still waiting for this. You said this, remember?"

I know it almost sounds dumb to "remind" God of something, but in the OT we see Abraham (Gen 15:1-7), Moses (Deut 9), and David (Ps 74) all remind God of things He said or did. They took the promises, the character, the will of God and put it in front of God and said, "Hey, remember this?! I haven't forgotten. I'm still expecting this to happen. I'm still waiting and planning on this... anytime now would be good." And I believe that is the type of "faith" the Son of Man is looking for when He comes back. I'm not sure He's looking for people who are hanging on/buckling down/white knuckling it trying to get through and move beyond to the after life. Here in Luke, Jesus is inviting us to continue to take justice, promises, these unfulfilled things back before God and say, "Ok, so you said this. I haven't forgotten. I'm still planning and waiting for it. My family aren't all believers yet. My eyesight isn't fully healed yet. My wife is still MIA. The tuition for school hasn't made it into my account yet. Cancer is still killing people. Women are still being sex trafficked. I haven't forgotten. You remember this promises, these issues we're working on. I'm still here, still waiting, still planning for them to come through. I'm doing my part down here, but I'm reminding you of your promises." 

It's this kind of faith that God is looking for. Faith that doesn't survive but faith that knows the very heart and character of God as to stand firm waiting for justice and promises to come through despite the situation. I'm still counting You good for it and waiting for it.

So my charge to you would be to sit and remember promises, justice issues, or unfulfilled things in your life and put them before God. Take 5-10 min just to remind God and yourself of these things and pray them more into being. God's looking for partnerships not handouts.

(Footnote: People may argue that the passage refers to justice and not promises of God.  Numbers 23:19 "God isn't a man that he would lie, or a human being that he would change his mind. Has he ever spoken and not done it, or promised and not fulfilled it.?" God keeping His promises is justice. It would be unjust of Him to not keep His promise.

The Weight of A Soul

You may have remembered the Holiday Feast from last year a how I learned about the Absurdity of Christmas. This year, I went into the Holiday Feast expecting it to be, honestly, one more thing I'd enjoy doing but then cross it off my list of activities done and move onto the next. (You know how it is when you're life becomes a list of things to get done rather than a life to live. - I'm working on switching that, but that's where I am right now at times.) So I wasn't expecting much.

Last year more than 1,200 people poured into the Civic Center. The tables were full, the extra tables we pulled out were full. It was to the point that we were sticking chairs in rows in corners for people to sit and eat there. It was beautiful to get to serve so many, but chaotic in the process. I loved how we became the Church and didn't just have a service. 

Background to the event:
Bethel Church has a year long lease on the Civic Center in town for first year students. They still have events and bands come in throughout the year, but we also have the ability to do huge things in there. For example, we have a Holiday Feast. There's a reason we call it a feast and not a meal. We go all out. It's not styrofoam plates and an assembly line (though we do that on Sunday mornings), we have nice dining wear, family style portions, a table host who decorates and brings gifts, a waiter/waitress, live music, dramas, skits, choirs, hosts, and all out. It's awesome. A photo with Santa, drawn pictures, prayer, goody-bags for kids, greeters with hot chocolate/coffee. 

This year, instead of trying to feed 1,200 people, they decided to cap it at 800 and do it up really nice. Let's do quality not quantity. Which means potentially people being turned away (with a go away bag), but everyone there getting even greater treats. If we're loving people like Jesus does, we've got to do it up right and treat them like the Princes and Princesses He sees them as.

What's the issue? Here's the view the night before. Keep in mind, we're in Northern California that almost had a skiff of snow last year.

I'm not sure they have snowplows or salt trucks here. I mean, you'd think they would but who remembers the last time they got 4-6 inches dumped on them? Why is this an issue though?

How are you going to get the people to the Civic to enjoy the meal and be treated like Kings and Queens?

As the time came and people filed in, the upper deck was left empty and tables were combined. There may have been 500 people there (I'm a bad estimator and I haven't seen numbers yet, but I know WAY under 800.) 

I was a waiter this year and we had plenty of us. Rather than each of us having a table, we all kind of just tag teamed because we were a bit overstaffed. As the program went on and we went through and everyone was finishing up eating. I began to dialogue with God about what was going on. One of my friends, Bethany, was in charge of setting up and running the whole show and had been planning it heavily for 4 months or so. I knew the work that went into it and was a little frustrated about God's end of bringing the people in.

God, what happened? All this effort and work and why are there so few people here. There's so many more who could have came.

You asked me to send the people who were supposed to be here.

Yeah, but there's still so many more tables. There's so much going to waste.

If all this was for one person, I would...

Yeah, yeah. I know you would have still done it. (with accepting tone.) But...

It's because you don't understand the weight of a soul.

Wha...

You wanted to know what the weight of a soul was. Well, look. This is the weight of a soul. This is how much I value you it and desire it. You don't realize how much I spend and am willing to spend over each soul. I would have prepared for a thousand, spent all the money on it, went all out, had hundreds of people spending day and night on this day to make sure it's right, go all out and over the top. Because I have THAT much value for one soul. You know I gave you my son, Jesus, right? You still don't understand the full weight of Him coming and dying. He's way more weight and worth than a dinner, but I'm not going there now. Look at all the effort, time, and money put into this. THAT'S MY WEIGHT OF A SOUL.

After a response like that, you don't really have much to say but, "Dang. Yeah, you were definitely right about that one. Thanks for correcting me. Keep teaching me cause I'm all ears." And He did. He just kept showing me what it was worth for one soul. 

There were dancers and  live music throughout, the drama came and razzled people, Chris O (one of the big evangelists at Bethel) came and just shared the gospel and how to join in the family. After that Chris Gore (the guy who leads the healing ministry at Bethel) came up and briefly shared what all Jesus died for on the cross is both sin and sickness and we then prayed for people afterwards. I have no doubt that many were saved and many were healed, but it was here in the midst of all this effort and all this to-do of so many months of hard work for so many people, God showed me THIS is the weight I have for one soul. (and I know it's actually not, He's paid a lot more, but He was kind enough to let my mind just be blown with this fact for now.)

Amen.

Unexpected Thankfulness

Yes, it's Thanksgiving and at this point most Americans stop and talk about what they're thankful for. If you ask almost anyone on the street what they're thankful for, they'll usually say "Friends and Family" which is great. A great answer, but lets face it, everyone always says that. So this year, I've got a list of 10 random things I've appreciated in the last few months that most people don't or won't say.

These are in no particular order... as you will soon see.

Headphones

It's this awesome ability for me to be jamming out to my own world, but my roommate 5 feet beside has no idea what's going on in my own head. So I casually look over and give the "what?" look to him after I started belting Beyonce out loud.

The Design of Urinals

Someone or someones went to a lot of effort to provide a ease free, yet also very clean way for men to go to the bathroom with limited splashing and maximum speed.

Awkward Dancing During Worship

If you look good, that's nice too. But if it's awkward or ugly, then you know it's real. You know that person is just giving ALL they've got to the King and it makes you want to just go after Him more.

Clean Underwear

Let's face it. If you've ever lived by yourself, then you've probably had the day where you get out of the shower and are met with the surprise that yesterday was your last pair of clean underwear. This leaves you three options: re-wear, inside out, or comando. Whatever your choice is, how much greater do you appreciate the next time you get to pull on a fresh pair of undies.

The Ability to Poop and the Forewarning of Said Event

I've over eaten some pretty big meals (as we all probably will today), and I'm very thankful that it all doesn't just back up inside. Sometimes you just need to let it out, which is why I am incredibly thankful for our in-house disposable system. Part two of this item, is the fact that we have the ability to know when this event is going to happen and prepare for it or delay the event until the proper time. You may think it's gross, but I'm incredibly thankful... Just imagine if we didn't have this...

Flavors of Soap

Greatful for soap in general and how I don't have to smell like a mixture of what I ate and how hard I worked today, but I also enjoy the flavors of soap. You may call them scents, but lets mix it up. I enjoy how everyone can have their own smell and they all be good. Plus, when I use High Endurance from Old Spice in the two pack, I find myself feeling 3x clean.

Cups

Just cups. When the dishes are dirty or I'm without a one-end-closed-spherical goodness, I get tired of lapping like a dog, or doing the hand to mouth technique.

Men & Women Are Different

I appreciate the fact that men and women look differently. Guys often have broad shoulders and nice and muscular. Women often have better curves and wider hips. There are other things that we often appreciate about the opposite sex physically, but I'll let you be thankful for that yourself. I'm also thankful that guys have the ability to focus on one aspect really well and women are often incredibly compassionate.

Taste Buds

We don't have to taste food. We could eat all the correct food to be healthy and enjoyable. But God thought it was a good idea to give us taste buds to enjoy varieties of sweet, salty, sour, spicy, and all the flavors in between.

Green Arrow To Turn Left

I now live in a city that has stoplights all over the place. I feel very loved when I'm wanting to turn left and the stoplight stops everyone else, just so I can make a left turn and go on my way.

Shoes

I love the fact that someone (or someones) spent the time to craft a material that fits the bottom of your feet in such a way that feels good, allows you to go over painful materials, and stays snug to your foot. Plus, it keeps our feet clean so they're not super rank at the end of the day. And, they come in a variety of colors, sizes, and styles. 

Gulp...Evangelism.

Evangelism! Gasp! (WAIT! Don't tune out and skim this or close the window to go back to other Facebook searching.) 

What usually happens when you hear the idea of evangelism - insert guilty feeling. Slight glimpse of I should do that quickly passes by as fears come one by one to grip you and remind you why you haven't done it. I'll do it after... and your schedule suddenly is much fuller and there's just not the right time fit in there. If there was time, you wouldn't really know what to say, how to start? How to close? What to say in the middle? I should know this! Ah dang it. More guilt now.

I think this all comes down to what we assume "evangelism" means. Jesus said to "Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit and teaching them to obey all that I've commanded you." -Matt 28:18.

So that was the command to the disciples, lets see how they carried it out. They turned around and told people about Jesus that they had walked with, who they talked with. They went to the places they knew people were and places God's Spirit or an Angel told them to and just shared with them. In fact like the second or third time they've gotten busted for blowing up peoples paradigms and religious boxes, they respond with "we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard." (Acts 4:20) That's it. That's it? What's it?

What are we sharing with people? Are we sharing an idea and a philosophy? Are we sharing a concept or belief that we're holding onto? Or have we experienced life with this God we talk about and sing songs to every Sunday? If we've actually experienced life with Him, then share that. That's what the disciples were doing. They were like "Pssh, I don't know about you, but I saw Jesus heal this guy of cancer and the tumor just disappeared, another chick had a demon (or a couple) inside of her and was all messed up but as soon as J-man said one word to her, BAM! Flat laid out on the ground like a 3 month old baby sleeping. Dude, it was trippy, but awesome." Then they went on to share the rest of the story. "Man, then a bunch of religious people didn't understand Him and thought He was starting up His own path away from God. Dudes got jealous and killed Jesus. Man, made it rough too. It's not like He couldn't have stopped them though. Shoot, all the stuff we saw Jesus do, He could have stopped them all at any point. I mean, I know that now, looking back. At the time, man, I chickened out and went running for the hills. I was loaded down with questions and fear and doubts and...I was just a pansy. So Jesus dies, right? We're all mourning over Him, our friend, our teacher, this father figure/big brother. Dang, we had bought into this and left everything, burnt a lot of bridges, and cut a lot of ties in the process. But then God raised Him from the dead. I know, I know, I didn't believe it at first either. But I saw Him, I talked with Him, I touched Him, I ate with Him. He really did come back to life. He really is the Savior, the Hero that we've been told about in prophesies/legends past. They're all true and it's all Him. He's given us a chance to turn from being selfish, ignorant, indifferent, lazy, evil, and just plain dumb and chose Him and follow Him. His ways mean life because He is life. It's your call, but I'd almost beg you to do this. It's been hard at times, but this is what I was made for. This is what it means to finally come alive. This is the full weight of all our hopes and dreams. This is life, dude. This is it. There's no other way to have this. No other way to have this intimate, euphoric connection with God - it's just Jesus."

They weren't sharing a theoretical standpoint. They weren't trying to convince someone of a standpoint they were banking in. They just straight up walked with God and shared out of that. Yeah, but they at least got to talk and walk with Jesus. That would have been a lot easier to believe.Yeah, I've thought that too. But I realized I had a few things wrong, 1) I was having issues believing, 2) I didn't realize how hard that would be to start something out of nothing when the whole world is against you. They weren't creating a new product to sell, they were actually going against the majority of the world's thoughts and starting something new. 3) I didn't understand John 20:29 as Jesus is talking and says it's good that you see me and believe, but blessed/happy/happier is everyone who believes and hasn't seen me. He said we'd be happier than they were. Jackpot. and 4) I didn't understand the benefits of having the Holy Spirit with us. Jesus said it's actually better if I leave so you can have Holy Spirit (John 14:16-17). That messes me up cause personally, I would enjoy having Jesus on my couch. But I'm learning the amazingness of having the Holy Spirit inside of me working in and through me. It looks a lot more like surrender than it does getting it right.  

Ok, ok... so what does this look like?

I don't know. What does your relationship with God look like? What stories do you have together? How has God been there for you, with you, through you? Have you had a bad day and it got better? Have you almost ran out of gas and prayed and you made it? Have you prayed for a job opportunity? Have you prayed and seen someone healed of cancer, broken leg, headache? Have you asked for a very specific sign and He came through? Have you had a dream and shared it with someone who had the same dream? Have you had a dream that explained what was going to happen in the future and it did? Have you spoke in languages you didn't understand but other people did? Have you spoke in other languages you didn't know and somehow your heart felt comforted? Have you had a thought or idea about someone and shared it and it was exactly what they needed to hear? Have you ever been overwhelmed with compassion for some stranger that you had no idea who it was or why? Have you ever randomly just broke out in laughter so much you felt drunk? Did you have horrible parents but somehow you have this healing because you've heard God say I love you? Have you ever caught a sunset or song or movie and for some reason it had more weight to it than ever before? Maybe your life with God looks something like that? Maybe that's where you start?  It's your relationship. If you don't have anything to share from your relationship with God, then ask Him to start one. Then make history with God. Invite Him in on your life and see what happens. Make history with God, build that relationship.

Evangelism is just relationship sharing and love sharing. You know how to share a relationship and introduce a person. That's all that evangelism is. Share your relationship, introduce Jesus. Let Him woo the other person. Ready...Set...Love.

Correct Roles

Sometimes in our war against sin and our war for purity we have swing the pendulum too far to the other side. We go from being ignorant or accepting of sin to searching and analyzing every motive thought and action throughout our day which leads to deep introspection and a constant awareness of sin. What's wrong with being aware of sin? Isn't that a good thing to always be on guard and ready to fight? Yes and no. Yes, the heart is good to want to be pure, but no when you have greater attention on sin than you do on God. Plus, if you're attention is on fighting sin then you probably don't understand the cross where 1) Jesus fought for you when you couldn't(Romans 5:8), 2) Jesus defeated the power of sin and death (1 Cor 15:55-57), 3) He finished the work (John 19:30), 4) because of that you, Christian, are dead to sin (Romans 6:11).

Ok? So...what's the point? Good theology, yeah sure...I agree. Right?
The point your theology is directly manifest by how you think and interact with God in life. Note, "in life" not "in church." For example: If you really believe God is waiting to be gracious to you (Isaiah 30:18) then you will gladly hang out with Him all day and talk to Him about everything that comes up, good and bad without fear of punishment or disappointment. But if we imagine God to be constantly frustrated with us and upset at our inability to get it together, then we'll only approach Him when we think we're being pleasing to Him because everything's going well that day or we're feeling super spiritually on it. The truth of the matter is that we have become one with Christ (Romans 6:5-7; John 17) and He really is actively excited to spend time with you and enjoy you and you enjoy Him.

So how back to the war on sin: if we're the one's who think we will get us clean (which most people will argue with that statement knowing that it's Christ who makes us clean, but still live like it's up to them to do it), then we will find ourselves constantly searching ourselves, our motives, our actions and behaviors to be clean, be pure, get everything out we can. "Yes, it is Christ, but it's still our responsibility..." responsibility to do what? Be a surgund/patient or just a patient?

The problem is when someone becomes ignited by the Holy Spirit's passion for purity, they will take that passion...their marching orders and take off to go work on it. We must allow our whole self to be redeemed at once because if we miss the fact that Christ died for relationship and unity with us, then we'll go take off and do it on our own rather work together with Him. We let Christ do what needs to be done, not what we think needs to be done. Sometimes this is scary because we're afraid if we let go then nothing will happen or that we won't get there fast enough. But really, that's just not trusting God to be God and purify us.  This isn't a new problem in the church. The people in Galatia had the same issue where once they were saved, they thought it was up to them then to keep themselves pure. Paul responds,

You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh?               - Galatians 3:1-3

We've got to let God make us clean, not run think it's up to us to kill every evil desire in you.

What I'm not saying:
"We don't have to do anything. We just sit in life and la te da. Do whatever and Jesus will do everything for us." No. That's dumb, crazy, and well... boring. But if you look at the way our relationship with Jesus looks, it involves Him initiating - us responding. We love because...He first loved us. (1 John 4:19) He's the groom who pursues, we're the bride who responds. He brings salvation, we receive it. He stirs hearts to himself, we enunciate what He's saying/doing and people get saved. Why do you expect your healing and purity to be any different?

Let me phrase/rephrase it this way, imagine God talking.
"I love you. (cause that's the way He starts talking). I enjoy you. I love spending time with you. Don't worry about sin or dirt in your life. I am strong enough to take care of that. Remember the cross? Took care of it. Remember how I said to abide in me? I really did just mean spend time with me and follow me as we walk together and I'll take care of the rest. Look, your job is to fully enjoy me and to respond as we walk through life together. If there's a problem, a hurt, a sin, an issue, a behavior that's wrong, you don't need to go searching for it. I already  know it's there. I know when you're ready to deal with it, and when that time and situation comes up, I'll bring it up and I'll take care of it. It's  your job just to agree with me and allow me to do my work. You partner with me. I'm the one doing surgery here. You can't operate on yourself. Don't try to fix yourself or go digging inside. I know when it's right and when to deal with it. When it's the right time, I'll bring it up and I'll deal with it and your job is just to not run and hide from me. Don't go separate yourself from me. Spend time with me and I'll bring it up and heal it. IF I DON"T BRING IT UP, then enjoy me. I'm not just your surgen. I'm your friend. I enjoy you. I actually enjoy spending time with you. I'm not just your fix it friend or your fix it Father. I really enjoy hanging out with you. Just spending time with you."

And that's often where our two world's collide. Trying to fix our selves for God, or thinking all of our time with God has to be "purifyingly intense" when really you can just enjoy spending time with Him. I mean, Jesus did a good bit of work on the cross already. Then you died to join Him when you became a believer. So perhaps today, rather than fixing yourself, you let God be God and enjoy Him for all of who He is.

Be Seen & Show Off Your Style

Those are probably two phrases that we would never teach in church, yet Jesus kind of said them.

"You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall the saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under the people's feet.
You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."

                                                                                 -Matthew 5:12-16

It's a well known passage, but last night I saw it much differently. Let's start with the second part.

You're the light of the world. Who? We are. He's talking to His disciples (Mt 5:1). Then he tells them to go and shine. He tells them to go be seen. In fact, he tells them that when you try to just blend in, to fit in, to go about your life in a normal way so that you don't cause too much stir - you're being dumb. Ok, I know Jesus didn't say "you're being dumb" but if you read it, it's implied. "A city on a hill cannot be hidden," it's impossible. You're like a giant in China:

You just don't fit in and you probably shouldn't even try to, cause it won't work.

"Nor do people light a lamp to be put under a basket."You don't pay to get new light bulbs then when you get home and plug them in cover them with a black trash bag so you can't see them.

We're not supposed to fit in. We're not supposed to do the status quo. We're not supposed to "be like everyone else." We're supposed to be the answer the world is looking for (Christ in us, the hope of Glory - Col 1:27).

Then if you step back 3 verses, it says we're to be the salt of the earth. I know that salt is used for many things back then, but lets look at what Jesus refers to it by "if salt loses it's taste." Ok, so salt has a taste, a flavor, a style to it. If we lose our style, our flavor, our taste, then we fit in with everyone else and just blend in and have no real purpose but to be run over by the rest of our culture/ "trampled under feet."

Often times in the church, I've realized that 1) we've been taught humility wrong, 2) we think we're still perpetually "sinners" rather than restored, reconciled "saints", so 3) we've been taught to hate ourselves and everything about us, which leads to 4) hiding in shame and embarrassment rather than living victoriously, extravagantly, with excellence, and living in a way the whole world can see and be attracted to Him.

I wrote a tweet about this last night that said, "Jesus actually said, 'Go shine and let the world see you. They'll praise my Dad when you do it the right way. Shine away and let them see.' #excellence" Except Twitter only allows 160 characters and I was over the limit so I began searching through the statement for ways to cut out. Then I realized that Jesus never said "the right way." We, in church, have added "when you shine correctly/the right way/in a God honoring way" to clarify for people so they don't go crazy and do the wrong thing. Good intentions, bad results. Because of that we don't know how to shine outside the church or doing "Jesus stuff." Jesus just said shine. My suggestion would be to shine as bright as you can and if anything is dimming your light, then it's just not helping you shine, toss it or change it. Whether it's not getting enough sleep, eating poorly, being in a  bad relationship, not communicating well with roommates/spouse/co-worker, or drugs/cigarettes/porn. Jesus said "Go Shine, and when you do. My dad will get glory."

(I believe what we should be helping people with is helping heal wounds and speak identity into them so they're not acting up/out to get attention. Attention isn't bad, it just won't satisfy what they're looking for. Once a person has that need met, they can get a crap ton of attention but it won't phase them, or get caught on them. It'll just roll off of them and go to God, the focus of their attention.)

City on a hill. I'm a huge proponent of  purity. Of taking steps, measures, and doing/not doing things to keep our minds, hearts, and intentions pure. That being said, I'm not as convinced that purity is what the world finds attractive about salt and light.  A city on a hill is not known for it's purity. It's known for it's safety, it's protection in wars, it's parties, it's the place where people come to hang out, it's the place where if you need/want something you go there because it's got it. Not just "needs" like food and water (which Jesus is big on helping the poor and homeless), but also needs AND wants of social interactions, of celebrations, of games, of fun, of new modern music, art, theater/movies. The city on the hill was where people from all around would come for what they wanted, what they needed. We're that city. We're supposed to be shining. We're supposed to be bringing people in.

If you need food and water, come to the followers of Jesus, they'll take care of  you. If you have a headache, cancer, a broken leg, come to the followers of Jesus, they'll take care of you. If your relationship is a mess, marriage is splitting, kids are going wild, come to the followers of Jesus, they'll take care of you. Need a new idea for a novel, want to hear the best music coming out, want to see extravagant creations of all forms, come to the followers of Jesus, they'll take care of you. Because a follower of Jesus, does what Jesus does. Jesus only did what He saw God do (John 5:19), so it's not actually them doing anything it's God. That's why they're known as "the followers of JESUS" and not Jacob, Frank, Bill, Julie, and Suzanne. That's why people are not coming to the city of people, but the city of the living God (Heb 12:22). We're His temple, His city, His stones knit together and when we live fully, we shine brightly, and the world will come to the city, be amazed at the flavor, the style, the taste of the people and have no option but to turn and praise their Maker, the Ruler, the King of the Country, the God of the people. So today, lets stand out, lets be seen, let's have a unique flavor and style that the world is dying to see, and when we do, we'll hear people sing the praises of our God.

Do everything to the glory of God. (1 Corinthians 10:31, Col 3:17, 23)

Psalms 84

One of the things I want to get better at is knowing the Bible and having it more memorized of sorts because many people will make many arguments without using the Bible and using logic. Some of it is good but some of it is faulty logic. So I want to learn the Bible better and be able to quote it better. To do so, one of the things I used to do and want to start again is rewriting the Bible. (Wait, not a heretic.) I'm digesting it. I'll take a passage, I'll read it, study it, then rewrite it in my own words so that it's transforming my thinking and I have to process through it. So today I did Psalms 84 and I thought I'd pass it on in case you want to read it. (Really, the reason I'm posting this is 1) so I do it more often and 2) so you can try it and learn this way too if you'd like.)

Psalms 84:

Oh how beautiful is Your home, Your house, where Your presence rests, O Ruler of Angel armies. M y soul longs and burns and yearns to be in Your presence. It even faints/collapses  in peace and rest in Your presence. My heart and everything inside of me the burning passions and desires sing for joy. My outsides and my body and everything natural and tangible sings for joy to You, the living and active God.

Even the flighty birds of the air who move around find a home with You. The swallow and the sparrow - the cheapest most common insignificant bird - has a place with You where she can set up her home and have her babies at Your altar, O Ruler of the Angel Armies, King, and Supreme God. How happy and set-up for success covered in blessings  are those who live in Your house, in Your presence continually singing Your praise in celebration. 

How happy and set up for success covered in blessings are those who find their strength in You.  Those who's hearts are like highways, set on a pilgrimage to Zion, Your city, Your home, Your ways, Your commandments, Your coming Kingdom. As they go through hard times, situations or circumstances of bitterness and morning - they instead make it a spring of hope and joy. They open up the heavens and bring showers of blessings and resources to satisfy what they've been missing so much that they have abundance. They don't ride the physical roller-coaster of energy but go from strength to strength to strength to strength. Each one gets to appear before the Living and Active Ruler God in His Kingdom.

O Ruler God, God of the Angel Armies, hear my prayer and my request. Turn and pay attention to me, God of my fathers and God of the faithful you've made promises to. Stop for a second, think about what I just said. Stop. Think. Sit on it.

God, you've given us a shield, a king to protect us. Look him now in the face and pour out your ability and rulership on Him. 

A day with you God, a single day hanging out in your presence is better than 1,000 days anywhere else. I'd rather be a servant at the edge of your presence, just opening and shutting the door - letting people come and go but allowing me to just be there serving you. I'd rather be there doing that than living in the houses of evil, messed up, wicked people.  Cause God, you are a like the sun (full of life, energy, and warmth) and you are like the shield (strong, protective, and stable). You pour out favor/connections/permission/grace with honor/respect/value. You don't hold back anything from those who walk with you, those who walk in righteousness, those who walk lives of integrity. O Ruler of Angel Armies, how happy, set-up for success with blessings overflowing on the guy or girl who trusts in you? How set-up are they for success and happiness are the ones who trust in you?

(From Psalms 84 ESV)

Impossible Is Nothing

A week or two ago, I was heavily mentally interested in North Korea. (aka- it was on my mind a lot). I wasn't reading news about DPRK or necessarily even praying about it. It was just on my mind and I kept thinking about it so I decided I should stop and listen as to what I was thinking about. 

So I looked up a song I knew about called "Finish What You Started" by Sean Feucht and watched the story behind it which was probably more impactful. In the story behind Sean describes how the average life expectancy in DPRK once you become a Christian is 2 weeks. Yet I know "to the increase of His government there will be no end." (Isaiah 9:7) so it has to be up from here... don't know how but it has to be up. I began thinking about the hindrances in DPRK - but then I thought about the stories I've heard out of there. Of people meeting Jesus in dreams, of angels singing and leading them in, of people encountering the Holy Spirit and changing their life. I read a story in this book I have that talks about the entire idol worshiping country being changed around and becoming Christian in a 15-30 min time period (Daniel 3). I was overwhelmed with the fact that anything is possible with God. And if anything is possible, we should ask for impossible things. So I asked to see a North Korean at church that morning. I actually saw a ton of Asians at church that morning but either didn't get to talk to them or chickened out when I did get the chance. I'm still looking, maybe today. 

I looked up this idea "nothing is impossible" in the Bible because I wanted to make sure I didn't confuse my ideas, mixed with Adidas, and the Bible together. Here's that I found:

"For nothing is impossible with God." Gabriel speaking to Mary just after he explained she and her old cousin are both going to be/are pregnant. - Luke 1:37 

"With man this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible." Jesus talking to his disciples right after he explained that even rich men with all their money can't get into heaven. It'd be easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. So they freak out and ask how anyone could get into heaven? Is it possible? -Luke 18:27, Matt 19:26, Mark 10:27

There's many other options as well like throwing the mountain into the ocean (Matt 21:21/Mark 11:23), or cursing a tree and it dying (Mark 11:12-25), or making a donkey talk (Numbers 22:28), or an sea moving out of your way (Exodus 14), or being transported over a hundred miles away (Acts 8:39), or undoing that physical death thing (1 Kings 17:17-22; 2 Kings 4:32-35; 2 Kings 13:20-21; Matt. 27:50-53; Luke 24:5-6; Luke 7:11-15; Luke 8:41-55; John 11:1-44; Acts 9:36-41; Acts 20:9-10) and you get the picture.

But this is the capstone, my favorite: "All things are possible for one who believes." Jesus replies to the man who asked if He could cast out the demon from his child that the disciples couldn't do. But He just says it...all things are possible. ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. So nothing is impossible anymore. Nothing is impossible. Nothing is impossible. Nothing is impossible. Nothing is impossible. No matter what country, region, situation, heritage, complexion, navigation or standard I see - Nothing is Impossible.

I got a surge of creativity one day so I sat down and started trying to hash out which way it was going and this is what came out. "Nothing Is Impossible" to be proclaimed first in every nations own language because it's for them to know. God is for them and speaks their language, knows their heritage and their culture and is involved in it. Then the translation for all of us Americans. In the background is a phrase I felt like God was saying or wanting to declare over the nation as I was making it.  

So that's where this came from:

Mark 9:23 - North Korea - His heart. 

DPRK - North Korea

Japan

Oman

United States of America

India

Russia

Macedonia

China

Norway

Israel

The Real Inmate

Satan is the biggest inmate of Hell that tries to convince everyone he's the warden. Truth is the Warden set me free.


Many times in church, I've found that our life BC (before Christ) as our testimony and say we're free from that. But due to our lack of honesty and realness, we claim all freedom as "salvation" rather than admitting we got free from many things after salvation. We say "He set me free, when I met Jesus all my chains fell off." This is true theologically. When you became a Christian you died to sin and it no longer has any grip on you (Romans 6:22). Sometimes though we still deal with parts of our life we don't realize we have victory over. I struggled with masturbation off and on for 12 years of my life. It was 7 years in before anyone ever talked about it so I knew I wasn't alone. Then once people talked about it, I heard lots of bad teaching from people telling me "I would struggle with it the rest of my life" or that "it was normal for all guys to deal with it and that's just part of being a guy." Well, I would agree that most guys are hit with this same temptation of lust, porn, and masturbation, but that doesn't mean we have to put up with it or let it linger. Girls may get hit with self-image issues or eating disorders but that doesn't mean it's going to be like that forever. That's believing a lie about the freedom we have and making small the power of Christ.  It's been close to two years of freedom, but I still would hear lies that it wasn't real freedom but like I had snuck out. That I wasn't set free, but I had kind of gotten my own freedom and was ready to be busted and put back in at anytime. That I would slide back in to the addiction at anytime and be neck deep again. 

Sometimes we rush to make sense out of life events and create theology to support it. We say addictions are broken but be careful, your spirit is willing but your flesh is weak. According to Col 3:3, I've already died so that doesn't work anymore. We believe the lie that the power of the addiction and our hold habits are stronger than the power of the cross and what Jesus did. No doubt that beliefs are powerful and for too long we've been believing that addictions are things we need to watch our whole life rather than things we're already free of and just have to realize that. (I can go into more reasons why we deal with addictions, possible reasons for addictions, and how to get free/walk in that freedom another time, but this is the big principle we need to understand is that we are free.)

Satan is the liar. He's the one who tries to convince us that he has power over us and our addictions that he can make us stumble at any point (not true Jude 1:24) then lock us up and torture us with guilt and shame afterwards and punishment in the form of distance from God and His love (not true Rom 8:35). So this bring us to our analogy and to the truth:

Satan is the biggest inmate of Hell that tries to convince everyone he's the warden. Truth is the Warden set me free. 

He didn't give me parole papers. Because parole means your punishment isn't complete- we don't fully trust you. He gave me freedom papers because my punishment has been fully paid for and I switched places with a good man outside. He doesn't say "how much freedom you have is up to you." He says, "You're free. You have all freedom." (John 8:36) But the enemy pretends you've escaped from prison. He tries to convince you that you're only out for a short time, but one little slip up and you're back in bondage again to your addiction, to your sin, to that lifestyle. But the truth is the only lock-down he has me in is lock-down of the mind, but I have the key. I realize just because he's been in the prison the longest doesn't mean he has seniority or power- it just means he's the one prison was created for and he's the one who will suffer the most.

I've got freedom papers. I've got keys to every cell. I've got visitation rights without the fear of being thrown in again. In fact, the cell doors are open- but most prisoners can't see the doorway out. It's still lock-down of the mind that inmate #0001 tries to keep them in so he's not alone with his people. He threatens me with that I'll be thrown back in a cell, that I'm just on parole and can slip up and be addicted again, locked up again at any moment. 

But I have freedom papers. I have papers that say I'm bound by nothing.  There's no addiction that's going to pull me back, there's no lifestyle that will pull me back, there's no nature that will pull me back.  I'm free. Completely free. I can walk into the police station, walk into the prison, into brothels or gyms or buffets or look in the mirror. I am free and have complete freedom. No fear of being locked up, no fear of being chained again, no fear of proclaiming my freedom because it's not true. The only lockdown is the lockdown of the mind, and I chose to unlock it and walk in freedom because that's the power of my Jesus. It's already been taken care of and I don't have to deal with this. I have become as moral and as clean as the One they based the laws off of. I can go anywhere or do anything. I am free and only the the one who is not tries to convince me otherwise. 

Can I Have A Hug?

I was able to go home recently for a short break and see my family. Man, I was so excited to see them and hang out with them. I was so excited to get a hug from my dad. He picked me up at the airport and I threw my stuff in the back of the car and we took off. I started telling him about the people I got to talk to and pray with on the plane ride over and he just smiled. I told started telling him about all the stuff I've been learning at school and how I've changed and grown and…improved. He just kept smiling and laughing – taking interest in everything I said. By the time we got home I was so anxious to get a hug.  I thanked him for being such a good dad, for listening, for picking me up, and for…well, life, then grabbed my suitcase and headed off to bed. The next morning I got up early before anyone else and straightened up the house, washed the dishes, and even washed the windows. I went out and fixed the lawn mower and was able to cut the grass before my parents woke up.  I was getting stuff done. Man, I thought they’d be so proud. I was so stoked for this hug. It was going to be awesome.

Later that morning, Dad went over to school to do some work and I put my plan into action. I had contacted different people to call him every hour and tell him something that they appreciate about him or how he’s impacted their life. All day long he received calls from people he knew. Awesome! Meanwhile, I was at home preparing my Africa mission’s presentation for church the next day. I had more than 1,400 pictures to go through and more stories than I know to try to cut down and put into order. Unfortunately, between the pictures and trying to make a good video to show them, I ended up spending more 8 hours that afternoon and evening working on it. I wanted it to be good. It was a little frustrating because the computer kept shutting down and messing up so it took longer and I was frustrated and worn out. Dad came home but I wasn't done with my presentation yet, so I said “hi” quickly then went back to work. I wanted to make sure it was good. I know it’s not that big of deal, technically, but I wanted to make him proud. I wanted to reach and touch the people in church with the presentation and the stories. Dad ended up going ahead to bed as I glared at the computer screen until 1:30 am. But I was pretty sure I got it finished and that hug was going to be awesome!

I woke up the next morning and Dad was already up and had breakfast made. I thanked him for the food and sat down to run through the presentation one more time to make sure everything was good and fit well. He got ready as I reorganized a few things. I got almost giddy when I thought how much he was going to like this. I ran into the bathroom just quick enough to take a shower and meet Mom and Dad in the car to head to church. On the way, I told a story or two from Africa and explained how excited I was about the presentation. I was a little nervous too and Dad prayed for me so I’d do well. More than the presentation, I couldn't wait until the hug afterwards.

We got to church and Dad went to practice with the worship team. I ran to get donuts for Sunday School and made it back in time to greet everyone. I got warm welcomes and hugs from everyone who came in the door. I was so happy to see them and they were so happy to see me. It was great. I love hugs but none of them were my Dad’s hug. Cause a hug from my Dad is like no other. Soon, I was getting one. As church started the drummer had to leave suddenly, so I filled in and got to play in the band them - which was awesome to get to play music with my Dad. I went on to give my presentation about Africa and they all loved it. Dad sat in the front row and teared up a time or two. I knew this hug would be good. At the end of the service, we went to the back and said goodbye and hugged everyone... except I was giving hugs and didn't get mine.

We went out to eat after lunch afterwards with some people from the church. After the stories of healings in Africa, we decided God was the same in America. So I got to pray for our waitress who had been having back pain and all the pain left and she accepted Jesus! Everyone was so excited (and perhaps surprised). I knew this would be a bomb hug! We went back to the church afterwards and Mom and Dad laid down for a quick nap and I stayed up and worked on a drawing for a mural downstairs. I thought it would be awesome. I showed Dad when he woke up as people were coming in and he really liked it. I was pumped but ... everyone came in before I could get my hug.

The service went on and three people got saved! Each of them cried and came forward. Each one got a hug from Dad - except me. We celebrated and talked with them and heard their process of what had been going on and lead to this point. It was great but we headed home late. I was exhausted…and still without my hug. When we got home, I gave Dad a pat on the back as I dragged to my room and flopped on my bed. I was worn out from jet lag and serving and setting stuff up and presenting…but no hug. I was missing out.

I'll save you some time, the week went on. I worked my butt off. I worked at school with Dad. I served at the church. I took care of things around the house. I took them out to eat. I bathed the dogs. Good night! I did everything I could think of… but still NO HUG. I was just about downright ticked. Shoot, I was ticked.

Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore. I was talking to Dad in the kitchen and just snapped. “Dad, what else do I have to do to get a hug?! I don’t know what else I can do. Tell me, just tell me! What is it I have to do for a hug? I went to Africa. I perfected this presentation. I thanked you for the food. I told people about Jesus. I prayed for healing and saw people healed. I served at the church. I played worship music. I loved people. I helped you at work. I took care of things at the house. I kept the things of the house in order. I loved people. I helped lead them to Jesus. I even set up and organized a time of praise and appreciation to you for all that you've done for people. What else do I have to do? What am I not doing? I've done everything I can think of, why won’t you just give me a hug?!”

His eyes welled up. A steady stream began to flow and his voice quivered as he spoke. “Why do you think you have to do anything for a hug? Why do you think you have to work to experience my love? Why do you think you have to earn it? What kind of dad do you think I am, if you think you have to do things before I will love you? I already love you. I’m glad to love you. It’s my pleasure to love you. I love giving hugs. All you had to do was ask for a hug - just ask to experience my love. In fact, I've tried to give you a hug all week. I've been yearning to give you a hug but you keep walking away and running off to do other things. It’s my pleasure to love you and make my love known in a way that you can feel. Do you really feel like you have to beg me to hug you, to love you? Is that what kind of dad you think I am?”

Suddenly all my frustration turned from him to me as I realized that I was stopping myself from being loved. For some reason, I forgot that my Dad loves to gives hugs and gladly gives them out to everyone he sees. He gives them to his kids at school, his people at church, and sometimes even strangers on street. Why would I think that me, being his son, would somehow be void of his hugs or expressions of love? Why did I think I had to make him happy with me first, so he would give me a hug?

Before I was able to run down the self-hatred and “stupid-me” pathway, my Dad stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me. All the tension that held my body so tight seemed to be loosened and the longer he held me the more limp I went until there I was – just fully embraced. I had no other thoughts, no other excuses or reasons, no other regrets. I realized I had no real reason, explanation  or list to propose to him for my hug. My dad loves to hug people. It's his pleasure to hug. It's my pleasure to be hugged so I'm not sure at what point I began to earn or justify the hug I desired. It was freely and gladly given. There I stood in full embrace, tears of joy and release running down my face. I had no words, no thoughts, no reasons or regrets. I just stood there with my dad, being hugged, as nothing more than an object of his affection. Content. Thankful. Hugged.. Loved.

A Season Without A Voice

I'm a verbal processor, I can teach many things, I can pray and see the world changed, I write blogs that share stories of Jesus, bring revelation of who the Father really is, and challenge people to a deeper life, I can encourage lots of people, and I can just love someone with my words...but lately I haven't. It's hard to do when you don't have a voice.

If you said "hello" or called me on the phone, I would have no problem responding verbally. For I haven't lost my physical voice, but with no one paying attention - I've lost my voice.I thought it was because I'm in a class of 1100+ students. I mean, every day I sit in the civic center and have all classes with 1100+ other students. I'm used to 5-70 students Iin a class. I'm used to having a voice, a say, an importance in learning and leading. It's a process for me and others, not just information to input. I have four other smaller classes, a family group of 70, an art class of 170, a healing outreach of 150, and a small group of 4 (but even here I don't feel my voice is valued.)

I thought it was just at school until I realized I don't openly express and communicate what I'm really thinking 
at home. I mold to make others comfortable and fit their style. My roommates drink and I don't. They like zombie movies and I dont. The people they hang out with at school are not the same people I do. Yet, I don't voice any of this because I didn't think it's important and trying to love them. I give alot for them, but I've never really expressed how I feel loved. It's 4:30 in the morning and I just asked my roommate to turn down the movie he's watching because its so loud. It's happened many times but this is the first time I've voiced my need or desire. 


At school everyone wants to learn and receive as much as they can- which makes sense because we've all paid alot and sacrificed alot to be here. But everyone wants to be heard and few people are willing to ask questions. Were told were valuable, world changers, and important- but so many lack the skill of listening or pursuing actual relationships. They want it all, but are afraid of investing in a relationship in case they pick and miss out on something. We want revelation which is greater understanding so if someone is talking or processing through something you think you already know, then you tune out or you try to explain it to them. And you say - skip your process, here's the answer. Unless you have something new for me, I don't care and your voice isn't important.


I have an intern and family group pastor but didn't feel engaged by them. They have the "you're strong and if you need anything you can come find me" approach. Which I understand, but doesn't really show me value - that I'm pursue-able.

As I left Redding, I thought it would improve on my mission trip. It was better at first but we have a lot of dominant personalities on my team. They mean well, but often feel their voice needs to be expressed - it seems. So there were times where someone would ask the question and i would answer 4 times sitting right next to them and they still wouldn't hear me. I wasn't speaking softly. I was just baffled at the fact of how much I didn't have a voice.

I've realized how much I've downplayed what I have to say. In groups. I won't talk; in conversations, I'll ask questions; on the Internet, I've stopped blogging; and I judge how good or important my thoughts are by how many re-tweets or likes I get. Each of them seem to be dwindling further pushing these thoughts.There's these thoughts in my head that says "If you've got something important to say, people will hear you."  Then there's the thought that "You can't demand respect, you must earn it." and "you can't request an ear to listen, you must prove you have something to say before someone will listen." Perhaps not. "If you've got something important to say, people will hear you."

I have to think about God on this one and see how He feels. I wonder if this season, these months, are impressing on me the heartache God has as He tries countless times to talk, to share, to encourage, to explain but no one will listen. He's not speaking softly, but is anyone listening for Him? Does anyone value Him enough to stop and turn and listen to Him and what He has to say? Of course He has something important and valuable to say. But people don't listen. People don't ask the right questions. Maybe they don't even ask questions. 

Part of my heart is to see people hear God for themselves. He died for relationship with us and communication is one of if not the biggest keys in a relationship. I can't imagine how frustrated or heartbroken God has to be at times when He tries to speak but no one listens. When no one values His voice. I wonder how many people actually want to hear from God? How many people trust His character enough to want it?

Then I must continue to the second thought: "You can't demand respect, you must earn it." and "You can't request an ear to listen, you must prove you have something to say before someone will listen."Well, you can't demand respect is true- but it has already been earned and proven because God 1) made you in His image giving you value, and 2) died for you raising the price even higher. So this statement is void naturally because if you think the way Gods structured life to be then people can't earn respect, they have already been given it.

The second statement has a similar comparison but can't be considered of equal logic or weight. You can request someone to listen. We want to be pursued or engaged and if you have good friends then you do have them who come and ask questions. But if you don't or your friends don't, then you sometimes need to state your needs. "hey, can I talk something out with you?" or "do you got a second? I need to process something." The second part of that statement is also void because you do have something to say. Again, you were created in the image and likeness of God so therefore you have a unique voice and expression. To not express yourself is to void the world of that expression of God. You don't need to prove you have something to say, you DO have something to say. You've got a voice and a message, a story and a season so don't think otherwise.

I guess as I process through this myself, I realize the thoughts I've been hearing are lies and I need to express my need for an ear to process. I need to express when someone cuts me off or doesn't listen to me. (odd to tell someone they're not listening - it's like giving a painting to a blind man.) I want to be aware of how to hear and engage other people well because I think it's what were missing. And I want to make sure that people can hear the voice of God for themselves - after all relationship is what He ransomed heaven for. And I pray that my voice is returned and people actually listen - because I don't feel like myself without my voice. Thanks for reading/listening to me recovering from my lost voice.