Power or Person

When we seek the power of God apart from the person of Jesus, we begin to minister power to people rather than ministering to the person.

I realized this lately as I've been seeking out and trying to understand the power of God. I want to know all there is to God. I want to know His love and the power of His love. I've been really pushed and stretched by testimonies of people getting healed and being rocked by God's love. I started asking why don't I see people healed like that all the time? God responded with "when's the last time you prayed for someone to be healed like that?"

Touche.

So, slowly, I've been trying to step out in faith more and pray for people. Silly me, my desire began to shift from walking with God to love people, to loving people, to having a cool story about God's love, to just having a cool story. I realized this when my thought was, "Ok, I'm going to go pray for them and then it'd be awesome if they get healed." The thought of telling them the gospel about how Jesus isn't just physically active but He does this to reveal His greater love for the person and to invite him into a relationship that starts now and runs through eternity. No, my mind was set on "pray and watch him get healed."

Yesterday in the weight room/locker room a football player came in with shin-splits/stress fracture. I was trying to not let fear stop me and I could tell he was 1) in pain and 2) frustrated that he wasn't able to continue playing football. So after about 4 or 5 laps around him trying to muster up the guts to do it I asked if I could pray for him. That awkward "Yes" reply. As I put my hands on his leg and started I then realized, I forgot/didn't' really know his name. I asked his name. Then I asked, "wait, do you know who I am?" "Uh...no" he said. Well oops. Missed that part. I was so focused on praying for his leg I forgot to introduce myself or really find out about him. 

As I sit here considering why God didn't heal him and why he was still limping, I had many thoughts. What didn't I do right? Why didn't you do it? Do you always heal? How does this work? If Your Spirit is really inside of me, why didn't it happen? Do I not have enough faith? Is that the issue? Did I say the wrong words? Should I have... and the list goes on.

What I realized this morning after journaling a good bit, I realized, I've been seeking after the power of God and not the person of Jesus. (Yes, seek the gifts (1 Corinthians 14:1)) but my attention had been on His power and not on Jesus. Not enjoying Jesus, Himself. In the same way, as my focus became about His power and not His person-hood, I also began ministering that way. I tried to minister the power of God rather than minister to the person. What did this injured athlete need? Was it healing? Maybe. Was it someone to relate? Was it someone to understand? Was it someone to appreciate and encourage? Did I care enough about him to let him know my name and get his? Was I planning on sharing the gospel with him afterwards or did at this time I just want to see him healed, have a story, and run to celebrate with someone else rather than him. I missed the person because I was trying to minister the power to the person rather than minister to the person the love. I got so caught up in the ministry that I missed the person.

Final conclusion:

God help me seek the person of Jesus so that I would love Jesus for Jesus and not what He does and so that I could be better focused on the person that I want to love/minister to rather than the ministry itself.