Long Day...

Wow.
Today has been a long day.
I've heard so many things that I am so confused.
Mary got up early this morning and went to Jesus' body, right?
Well, apparently couldn't find it.
Her and Mary 2 say they saw angels and then saw Jesus.
I think the stress of it all is getting to them.
I'm a little worried about them too.

My heart wanted to jump at the idea that he is alive,
but I saw him beaten, I saw him murdered.
I have the horrific images of his lifeless body tossed around.
The thoughts pain me to remember the malicious left overs of flesh
pulled down, wrapped up, and carried off.
Now they say he's alive again?
There are so many mixed emotions today.
I'm in a whirlwind of emotions and
I don't know what true and what's not.
I don't know what's up or down, what's solid and what's shaking.

I'm caught in between what I want to believe
and what I've seen, what I've experienced.
I want to be excited by what I've heard
but at the same time, I know what I saw.
I mean a horrific death that I can't forget even if I tried.
That man dying on that cross has changed my life.
How can I forget it?

Are their reports delusions or could they be true?
It's been such a long day.
If this was real why couldn't I see him?
Then again, I guess I stayed away in my own world all day.
They were the ones who went out.
Maybe when you are seeking Jesus, you see Him.

But as we're eating dinner I see something.
I see a man. Is it him?
Can it be . . .?
It is.
Confronted with the truth.
Paralyzed by . . .
Paralyzed by . . .
I don't know. Fear? Confusion? Amazement?
He. . . But I saw. . .
and I . . .
he said. . .

He is more than expected.
I wanted a King over my people.
I didn't expect a ruler over death.
This is not what I was waiting for.
This blows what I was waiting for out of the water.
Everything has come true.
Everything was worth it.

Wait, am I dreaming?
Is this a dream?
If so, do I really want to wake up?
Quick, don't think about the fact that I'm asleep so I can stay here in this dream.
I don't want to wake up
Please, don't let me wake up.
Let me live in this fantasy just a little longer.
I don't want to wake to the cold new reality I've found myself in.
But what if this is real?

This changes everything.
Nothing is the same now.
The way I function.
The way I interact.
The way I eat and sleep.
The way I live and die. It's all changed.

But it feels like another dimension to life was just opened.
Like it's always been here but just locked, out of reach.
Now it's here.
It's filling my lungs.
This is Jesus. Here. Alive.
Do you understand the magnitude of this.
This man was murdered a few days ago, and
Now, he's standing in front of me breathing life into me.
Do you realize what this means?
Do I really know what this means?

"When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross." -Colossians 2:13-15

I've imagined greatness,
I've seen miracles,
but this. . .
this is
Life-altering
Infinitely unreal
Forever changing
Entrance making.

This is true LIFE.

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:10b

The Longest Saturday . . .

Have you ever had all of your hope torn away,

no seriously, what you had waited all of your life for

you get it, then it's drastically ripped from you

Now you sit.

Not sure which is more

the pain of losing it all, or

the sheer confusion of what you had invested your life in possibly being a lie

It all seemed to make since,

all the signs seemed to be there,

everything was going so well,

I swore that this was it, this is what it's all about.

I've given up my career,

I've left my family,

I've traveled hundreds of miles

and now I'm homeless, helpless,

and sitting in a room with hundreds of others just as confused

So many I thought were with us abandon us.

They ran away and hid as soon as it started to go down.

So many ran and hid.

I can't say much, I ran the fastest.

I was out first.

If I would have stayed, could I have helped?

Is this my fault?

Thoughts flood my mind,

If they killed Him, and He was more powerful,

How can we stop them from killing us?

Was He really "the messiah"?

I know I saw Him do miracles, I saw it . . . didn't I?

Did I make this up?

This seems just like a bad dream, and I just want to wake up.

Please don't tell me this is reality.

Can I go back home?

What about everything I left?

If this was everything I thought was real, can I trust anything?

What is real?

What can I do when all hope is gone?

I guess today I'll just try to stay hidden, I'll try to stay safe,

Today, I have no idea what do,

Today I'll just cry, ask questions, and try to sleep it away,

Maybe tomorrow I'll have more strength,

Maybe some time will pass and some light will be shed on the situation,

Today I've got nothing . . . maybe tomorrow.

Maybe.

Then Jesus told them,

"This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written:

" 'I will strike the shepherd,

and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.'. . . - Matthew 26:31

Feeling Loved

We usually feel loved when someone does something for us that makes us happy.

If they do an action that doesn't elicit a response of good feelings on the inside then we usually don't think, oh they love me.

We think, they've shown me love today because

"they've made me feel better,"

"they make me happy."

But if true love is from God, and

God is more focused on your Holiness than your happiness,

then when we love someone shouldn't it make them more holy,

not necessarily happy.

It's awesome and easy to do when they are both one in the same.

Othertimes I think we try to love someone with happiness rather than holiness.

Shouldn't there be a 6th sense type of love language,

Physical touch, quality time, gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation AND holiness.

Something Ridiculous...

Everything beautiful in the world is stripped of it's decency,
as for the first time guilt and shame are known by him
It comes overwhelming him, and the weight of the world throughout all human history,
is poured onto his head.

The crowed shouted in joy and anger,
and screams of terror and pain were drowned out by
hatred and pure evil moved among them,
provoking heart strickening words

"What shall I do, then, with Jesus who is called Christ? Pilate asked.
They all answered, "Crucify him!" - Matthew 27:22

The King is brought out into the streets,
stripped of his majesty, yet glorified
stripped from his clothes, spit in his face,
and mocked for all the good he had done.

"They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on his head. They put a staff in his right hand and knelt in front of him and mocked him. "Hail, king of the Jews!" they said. They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again. After they had mocked him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him away to crucify him." - Matthew 27:28-31

A bloody trail left, leading up to a hill where he is left, all alone.
The first time in his life, after 30 years,
completely desperately, and utterly alone.
Abandoned.
The innocent left alone to suffer guilt.
To take the wrath of evil on him.

"About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"—which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"" - Matthew 27:46

All of nature violently revolted,
The mid-day blackened like hope sucked from that atmosphere.
Then, the land mass itself seizured with agony, while rocks were split.
The divine portal to the heavenly realm ripped open, top down.
And those who saw it stood in amazement.

"From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land. . . .At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split." - Matthew 27:45, 51

In the most grotesque scene,
Beauty is defined, but his body was able to be,
Beauty shines forward, as the sun did not,
Beauty is poured out on us, as his blood flowed out

"But he was pierced for our transgressions,


 he was crushed for our iniquities;


 the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,


 and by his wounds we are healed." - Isaiah 53:5

And in the greatest act of injustice,
justice was satisfied
and criminals were set free.

"God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." - 2 Corinthians 5:21

They killed Jesus.
They killed Him.
Thank God they killed Him.

"For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit" - 1 Peter 3:18

the best part:
this story is
to be continued...