Caught in His heart, losing track of my actions.

We need to be caught up in His heart and not our actions.

So often I look at His heart, and in the process of learning and having it, I turn and slowly get caught up and focused in what I'm doing instead. It's not even the "oh look at what I'm doing," but the over focus, over analyzing, and almost anal-ness of the details of my service.

"Did I say exactly the right words?", "How were my facial expressions?", "Is it better to give to the poor with God's hands or to give to the church?", you can continue these thoughts for a while.

Why Can't I focus on Your heart, let Yours make mine like yours, and then just living in the overflow of your heart out of mine? Why do I focus so much on the ins and outs, trying to perfect loving someone. That's never what You died for, not for me to stress out by loving someone.

Why is "Love God and Love others" so hard to do? Why is there so much toil inbetween? so much striving? Why all of the religious implications that sneak in?

We have perfect love. It casts out fear.(1 john 4:18) So why do I fear that I can't make the love I give perfect? Am I so caught up in what I'm giving? Have I shifted to the point that I'm now trying to give love on my own, my love?

But perfect love casts out fear. Fear has to do with punishment. So what type of punishment are we afraid of so much that we cannot love openly?

-Fear of disappointing the person

-Fear of disappointing God

-Fear of showing them a bad example of Christ's love

-Fear of trying to show His love, but it not being good enough, because I couldn't do it right.

-Fear that when i do show His Love/ when His Love flows from me, that it won't have any sort of immediate effect so I 'll think that I messed something up, said the wrong thing, didn't listen well enough, said too much, gave a hug or didn't give a hug when I should/shouldn't have.

-Fear that they won't understand God or they'll have a skewed version of Him due to me and my actions.

I know that none of these really are logical. Perfect love casts out fear. I will not fear to Love. It's true that I am a horrible version of what Christ's Love is like. There is no way that I can replicate it, but the only way for me to be close is to abide in Him, (John 15:5) continue to walk with Him and let His Love transform my heart, His Truth transform my mind, His Presence fill my essence. It's not up to me as to what others think, I cannot control their minds, I can only present my self before them as humble and honest, and making every effort to follow the way my King walked the streets and interacted with people when he was here.

God is love. Perfect love casts out fear. We love because he first loved us.

Today I will seek to let his love overflow my heart and love those around me without reservations and with an open heart.