I've been debating weather or not I should tell people I have mono. I've told the leadership team and the servant leadership team. Part of me says no, don't they'll make a big deal out of it. Part of me says yes, the more people know the more people can pray. So I've been going back and forth between weather or not people should know. The more I think about it, the more it seems as if the reason it's no is selfish and prideful.
I dont know why, but no one really wants to show when they're hurting or when they're not 100%. We think it makes us tougher or stronger. In the words of the Bridge Band, "I don't want to be strong, I want to be weak. Cause when I'm weak, I know You're strong."
Anyways I've been going back and forth and praying about it. Maybe it's because I don't want anyone to know so they don't treat me like a little baby. Maybe it's because I don't really want to admit I can't do everything to everyone. Maybe if I'm weak people think they can't trust me in my decisions in cru. Maybe it's because people wouldn't come to me for help, but instead they would keep it inside. I want to help, I love to help. It unfortunately is what keeps me going some days is when I can help other people.
I do want to do it so other people know I'm not just a gloomy gus. (or is that prideful in caring what other people think of me?) But I want to get to know people and hang out with them, and I don't want people to think I don't care. People could know so they know not to expect me to be doing everything I usually do. It will help give other people a push to take the initiative to step up. I do want people to know because last night Kristen asked me if I had it and after I admited it she asked how are you doing all of this? (cru stuff - setting up, playing, everything) and I just pointed up. I want people to know that I have absolutely no strength of my own. It is only what God supplies me that keeps me moving ahead. Which sadly enough is true everyday for everyone, but it took me to be scraping the bottom of the barrel before I would realize that. But I want people to see that it's God who's keeping me going. I could also just use the prayer. I'm a firm believer in it. It's worked pretty well for me for a while now so we'll go with it. Plus, I felt so touched and cared for when Kristen said, well I'm praying for you. It was such an encouragment to know that someone I don't really know that well cares enough to spend time talking to the creator of the universe for me.
I hit two verses today:
Mark 4:21-24
He said to them, "Do you bring in a lamp to put it under a bowl or a bed? Instead, don't you put it on its stand? For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open. If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear."
"Consider carefully what you hear," he continued. "With the measure you use, it will be measured to you—and even more.
.
^I kind of feel like God's going yep. You should tell people. It's not about you. I looked up the words disclosed -(to make known; reveal or uncover) and consealed (To keep from being seen, found, observed, or discovered; hide.) and neither one of those helped me back out of telling people.
James 5:14-16
Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
.
Yeah, I almost feel like a bit of a hippocrit because other people will tell me stuff and I"ll be like we'll lets tell people and let them be praying and all. I'll almost get mad at people when they won't let other people know so they can pray. But it's easy to help someone else, no one likes to admit their hurting or that people shouldn't know. It's easy to look at someone else adn say yeah we'll pray and lets get this and this adn this and lets go, but I dont want to make a big deal about me. I don't want people to know I'm hurting. I don't want people to think I'm a trooper, (selfishly yes, but I want whatever I do to point to God and show that it's only him behind me lifting up my lifeless body and carrying it through.)
So it looks like the more I talk about this, the more it seems obvious to tell people. "To live life transparently so others may see what's inside of me," was one of the things that came about this summer and I realized I need to do, and now I know what I need to do.
.
"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9
Friday, October 17, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Love that Covers Sins. . .?
I'm a little bumfuzzled about this one. I started out in James 5:19-20:
"My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover a multitude of sins."
The multitude of sins is what caught me awkward. I had read that somewhere else before and it didn't make sense to me then either. So I googled it and found it was in 1 Peter 4:7-8:
The end of all things is near. Therefor be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. "
Ok, to start with I think that he's making a very important point saying to be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Not so that we can act or lead others or serve, but just to pray. It shows the power behind prayer and that prayer is really the most powerful thing we can do. Hmm... I was just going to mention that but now that I think about it right before the first verses in James he says, "Therefore confess yours sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. THE PRAYER OF A RIGHTEOUS MAN IS POWERFUL AND EFFECTIVE" v16. So it makes me wonder how love covers a multitude of sins is related with prayer, apparently very closely.
But what I couldn't understand is how our love can cover sins? If it was love in general, I think it would be obvious they were talking about Jesus love and how he loved us so much to die on the cross, shedding his blood and "covering a multitude of sins". But in the verses it's talking to us, people, the church. . . .
My footnotes/commentary stuff in James say that it's talking about a Christian backslider, one who's saved, but isn't walking with God. It says "James urges Christians to help backsliders return to God. By taking hte iniative, praying for the person, and activating in love, we can meet the person where he or she is and bing him or her back to God and his forgiveness" - That seems like it's a lot dependent on us, but maybe he was meaning that it's Christ in us, but we have to be that willing vessel to go reach out. God can do a butload of crap through us, but we have to be willing to go.
I'm thinking it's talking about loving them no matter where they're are at and, in love, showing them where they're wrong and how to get back. . . . I think of when Jesus was walking and the deamon possessed man just came up and threw himself down infront of God, or Zacchaeus, he just went to his house and his love and his holiness convicted them of what they did wrong without even having to say anything. He didn't really call them out, his lifestyle just showed them what they were doing wrong. Like you think somethings white until you lay down something really white next to it then you realize how dirty the first thing is. Maybe thats why as we walk in Love and live a life of Love, the righteouness, we will show the world there's something better, something more white. It's not by saying look at us, it's by saying, look in me. Look at whats in me thats better than me. That kind of makes since that we should live a life of Love so that others see where they're wrong. One of the verses it references is Romans 11:13-14
"I am talking to you Gentiles . Inasmuch as I am the apostle to the Gentiles, I make much of my ministry in the hope that I may somehow arouse my own people to envy and save some of them."
I didn't really understand how that fit in to everything until now. In the hope that I may somehow arouse my own people to envy. Looking back Valerie was one of the ones who really got me wanting more out of my religious experience, who helped show me it was a relationship. She had something that I wanted, I didnt' know what it was. She was in-love with God, and was passionate about it, I wanted that. Even last night, Jud said something that he was just talking about himself and how he missed T really bad to where it was hurting him inside, and he said it realized it was because he hadn't been filled by God. Just him living his life of love helped me envy, and realize crap, thats me too. Ok maybe a bad reasoning, but with Valerie definitely. We cause people to envy what we've got so that they can have it to. It's like we remind people how good life was with God and that leads them back to asking for forgiveness. Thats how Love covers sin. It's the big L not the little l. But it's the Love that we show. It is the Christ in us, it's when we walk in Love - so it does kind of require our obedience, but it's still the God, big L, Love thats making a difference in others lives.
The other place that it referenced that stuck out is when Jesus summarizes the Law in Matt 22: 37-40.
"Jesus replied: ' 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with allyour soul and with all your mind' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.' "
Interesting that he said the Prophets hang on this stuff too. Hmmm. That with all the wisdom and all the knowledge and their direct communication with God, it's still about Love.
So lesson for Today: Fall in Love with God. Love others outside of your own capability, and walk in Love.
"My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover a multitude of sins."
The multitude of sins is what caught me awkward. I had read that somewhere else before and it didn't make sense to me then either. So I googled it and found it was in 1 Peter 4:7-8:
The end of all things is near. Therefor be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. "
Ok, to start with I think that he's making a very important point saying to be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Not so that we can act or lead others or serve, but just to pray. It shows the power behind prayer and that prayer is really the most powerful thing we can do. Hmm... I was just going to mention that but now that I think about it right before the first verses in James he says, "Therefore confess yours sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. THE PRAYER OF A RIGHTEOUS MAN IS POWERFUL AND EFFECTIVE" v16. So it makes me wonder how love covers a multitude of sins is related with prayer, apparently very closely.
But what I couldn't understand is how our love can cover sins? If it was love in general, I think it would be obvious they were talking about Jesus love and how he loved us so much to die on the cross, shedding his blood and "covering a multitude of sins". But in the verses it's talking to us, people, the church. . . .
My footnotes/commentary stuff in James say that it's talking about a Christian backslider, one who's saved, but isn't walking with God. It says "James urges Christians to help backsliders return to God. By taking hte iniative, praying for the person, and activating in love, we can meet the person where he or she is and bing him or her back to God and his forgiveness" - That seems like it's a lot dependent on us, but maybe he was meaning that it's Christ in us, but we have to be that willing vessel to go reach out. God can do a butload of crap through us, but we have to be willing to go.
I'm thinking it's talking about loving them no matter where they're are at and, in love, showing them where they're wrong and how to get back. . . . I think of when Jesus was walking and the deamon possessed man just came up and threw himself down infront of God, or Zacchaeus, he just went to his house and his love and his holiness convicted them of what they did wrong without even having to say anything. He didn't really call them out, his lifestyle just showed them what they were doing wrong. Like you think somethings white until you lay down something really white next to it then you realize how dirty the first thing is. Maybe thats why as we walk in Love and live a life of Love, the righteouness, we will show the world there's something better, something more white. It's not by saying look at us, it's by saying, look in me. Look at whats in me thats better than me. That kind of makes since that we should live a life of Love so that others see where they're wrong. One of the verses it references is Romans 11:13-14
"I am talking to you Gentiles . Inasmuch as I am the apostle to the Gentiles, I make much of my ministry in the hope that I may somehow arouse my own people to envy and save some of them."
I didn't really understand how that fit in to everything until now. In the hope that I may somehow arouse my own people to envy. Looking back Valerie was one of the ones who really got me wanting more out of my religious experience, who helped show me it was a relationship. She had something that I wanted, I didnt' know what it was. She was in-love with God, and was passionate about it, I wanted that. Even last night, Jud said something that he was just talking about himself and how he missed T really bad to where it was hurting him inside, and he said it realized it was because he hadn't been filled by God. Just him living his life of love helped me envy, and realize crap, thats me too. Ok maybe a bad reasoning, but with Valerie definitely. We cause people to envy what we've got so that they can have it to. It's like we remind people how good life was with God and that leads them back to asking for forgiveness. Thats how Love covers sin. It's the big L not the little l. But it's the Love that we show. It is the Christ in us, it's when we walk in Love - so it does kind of require our obedience, but it's still the God, big L, Love thats making a difference in others lives.
The other place that it referenced that stuck out is when Jesus summarizes the Law in Matt 22: 37-40.
"Jesus replied: ' 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with allyour soul and with all your mind' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.' "
Interesting that he said the Prophets hang on this stuff too. Hmmm. That with all the wisdom and all the knowledge and their direct communication with God, it's still about Love.
So lesson for Today: Fall in Love with God. Love others outside of your own capability, and walk in Love.
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