Perfectionism

I'll admit I struggle with being a perfectionist. I want everything to be just right or I'm not satisfied. God has showed me a lot about not everything having to be perfect to me. Although, many times it's because my perfect doesn't line up with his perfect. 

Today's thought started out with James 3:8, "but no man can tame the tongue, ti's a restless evil, full of deadly poison." and the footnote mentions the thought that so many people have is "well if i can't control it, why even try."

ft.nt. "Even if we may not achieve perfect control of our tongues, we can still learn enough control to reduce the damage our words can do. It is better to fight a fire than to go around setting new ones!"

That thought made me start to wonder, or more more or less God started talking about this subject.  How many times do we not attempt something or not put our effort into something because we know it won't be perfect.  I've even talked to some people who said they'll never be perfect, they'll keep on sinning so why ask for forgiveness or why be saved.  

But I think this ft.nt. kind of hit it on the head by saying we fight fires instead of spread them. I think so many times we believe being neutral on a subject or non-action on a subject is  an option. Really, though, the more I've found out is if your not with something, your partly against it.  I'm not talking just about being saved, (your either for or against God, there is no fence, the devil owns the fence.) But in a lot of other situations. For example: Say someone is speaking at cru and they start listening to lies about they're not saying the right thing, no ones listening, what are they doing, they're messing it up, and they start to feel overwhelmed and ka-thumped. Someone in the audience may think that they should tell the speaker afterwards that they really liked it and needed to hear it. Instead, they remain "neutral" and take the course of "no action" because they don't think it's important or they won't get it out right. Really, they are fighting with the voices of lies by not saying anything rather than battling them with them and saying, "thank you."    - That kind of gets into another field. Another, maybe better example: when taking a vote, if you take the course of "no-action" then you are voting against something whether or not you want to. It's like in life they say everyone for it, move over here, if you're against it, stay where you are.  By not being part of the solution, you're part of the problem.

But moving back to perfectionism. Think of the things we don't due because we think they won't be perfect. Talking to someone, art projects, dancing, singing, playing a sport, speaking in front of a group, etc. But each of these things we may not see as perfect, but maybe it's because our perfect is due to a limited view. Ex 1.- talking to someone, we may not due it because we think it'll come out wrong or have no idea what to say, maybe we're not suppose to say anything. Maybe we just need to listen. Maybe your lack of knowledge or wisdom will continue the conversation. I talked with one guy named Chris once who started talking to me about God stuff and my mind blanked. I knew exactly what he was talking about and how to answer it but the words wouldn't come. Everyonce in a while I could get a thought out of, well I kind of see it like _____. Later, I realized because of my lack of all the right words, he didn't think i was some soapbox christian and that i knew everything (which i definitely dont) but that I was willing to listen to what he had to say and have a conversation and that not every Christian has to know it all.  

One of the biggest things I believe people struggle with is confidence, we search for it in nearly everything (sports, dating, school, cars, job), but forget to look to the guy who has an abundance of it, wanting to give it to us. But people's lack of confidence often lead to the idea that those Christians seem confident, they must know everything and be perfect at everything. I have a shirt that says "Not perfect, just forgiven." But maybe in our attempts (yes, attempts meaning failures or not perfections), we can show others that we are far from perfect, but forgiven. That's another reason why we should try.

Another reason is the fact thats it's not necessarily what place we get, but how we run the race. We are surrounded by people desperately watching us to find out what's different about Christians. We should be showing them that it's not really what the end result is, it's about our heart through the process. That God never ever calls us to be perfect (I don't know why we think we should be then), but he only calls us to be faithful. He doesn't say get first place, he says go out there and give me what you've got and I'll take care of the rest. 

If we only do what we know we can be perfect at then we miss out on a lot of opportunities. A time to grow, a time for someone else to learn to teach, a time to show someone how much you really Love them. To show Love - have you ever had someone who really couldn't sing and knew they couldn't sing and was almost embarrassed of their singing, sing you a song to show you that they Love you.  I mean we do it with people here on earth, I think the idea kind of fits the Big Guy too. We're not perfect, pretty sure he know that, but just the effort we put forth shows our love to Him.  It's like the little kid who makes the macaroni picture or colors a picture, it's way outside the lines and not really a picture, but the parent just loves it because it shows the time they put into it. All of our efforts are macaroni compared to God's sculpture of the valleys and mountains, but it's not what they come out as. It's about us giving what we have to show Love.  Like someone making a friend a scarf and it's tight in some places and loose in others but they spent hours on it, and the friend loves it and wears it everywhere because they love it.

But maybe our vision of perfection is because we can't see it all. Because a conversation didn't go where we wanted it to doesn't mean it didn't go where it needed to. So many inventions have came out of failed attempts of something else. Because a movie didn't have the punch we wanted to doesn't mean it didn't get the pointed that needed to be there across. Because you didn't deliver the speech with the most of eloquence and cried in the middle didn't mean you didn't connect with hearts and let God change them through you.  I can think of hundreds of what we see as failures or non-perfect things and then later see them as, "oh, so that's what God was doing there." It seems like focusing on perfection rather than the heart behind it puts an awful lot of pressure on us. We focus alot on what we are and what we're doing and how it will come out rather than just focusing on God and who he is.  I want to say even be cautious of focusing on what he's doing because often times we have a habit of trying to race God. "ok you're doing this, let me help it along the way. Come on God, why are you still back there?" Instead of sticking with and following God, we try to lead and set the pace. I think it's some sort of human instinct to want and need control. We're always searching for what God's doing  and I think sometimes our mind and that instinct takes over and we want to help God in what he's doing and we end up doing a lot of things that wasn't in God's plan or timing to start with. 

The main point seems to be it doesn't matter if it's perfect, because if we do it, it probably won't be, but thats no reason to not attempt it because our perfect isn't always his perfect. What we do we should just do with our whole hearts, our honest and sincere hearts.

About Radiate08

I thought I hadn't thought about before, but then God said it and i wrote it out and was amazed by it so I'm saving it on here. We were talking about Christmas Conference.

A Superman 4 JC (2:09:36 PM): i can understand not excited but why not wanting to?
twiggie103 (2:10:03 PM): it was really great last year, and i'm just afraid that it will be a let down this year
A Superman 4 JC (2:10:35 PM): i thought that last year
A Superman 4 JC (2:11:01 PM): with everything in my life if i get my expectations set up for something it's always less than i expected and i'm disappointed so i try not to set my expectations
A Superman 4 JC (2:11:20 PM): but last year i couldn't help it becasue it was so good the year before so I had them up, and  but the years just blur together. they were that good.
A Superman 4 JC (2:11:53 PM): it didn't matter where i was or what i was going through, somehow God did the God-thing and met down and met me wherever i was at and just unloaded on me
A Superman 4 JC (2:12:43 PM): i still have the reflex to not get my hopes up, but my hopes aren't in the music or the speakers or the people, but about meeting God there again and just letting him rock my world for 4 days

Thats what Radiate08 is about.

Blown Away.

So, God just keeps blowing me away. Ever since Sunday at Church when I remembered Love, it's just been one thing after another. and It's non-stop blown away amazingly awesome. Today has just been full of God, I have seen and heard him everywhere today and had one of those days I felt like I was in the middle of Gods will.

I won't lie, i didn't wake up in the brightest of moods and my initial thought wasn't God's going to do a bunch of huge things today. I wasn't thinking the Revolution is happening today. I went to class like normal and toward the end of Adv Illustration I get a text from Ashley Lawler saying "hey are you in class?" meaning if your not I need you/to talk/to something. So I get out and call her and we talked and got somethings figured out. I kind of skipped Printmaking though to talk to her, I felt like classes are important, but sometimes people are more important. Sherri sends me a text saying Amber her old roommate had asked her to pray for her! (she was agnostic/atheiest/not-a-Jesus-Lover...yet) amazing!

So after I leave that I eat and go to find Jack to apologize for missing class and show him my sketches. (My sketches that I actually had time to do and to put effort into and that looked pretty good yesterday, which is one of the first times I've put effort into printmaking sketches). He was a little aggravated because I missed and I said I was sorry that I just had something that came up that I needed to care of. In a brief "humph" he sarcastically asked if I had my sketches, when I broke them out in color, he quickly changed his attitude. I missed the demo, but its ok. I went back and read part of what sarah walk talking about tonight at cru and it was really good and I was excited. then I tried to do some research for illustration and God was like nope not here. this isn't where your suppose to be. so I was like where? "time with me" so I left the computer and went and read some in James then Carly came up and we had this good conversation about God's Love. Then I had to go to cereamics. Went there and the kilns weren't off yet so we couldn't do anything so class was pretty much done with and if you wanted to stay and work you could. Daniel walked by and said I like your shirt, which it says "Christianity is not a religion, (on the front) Religion is humans trying to work their way to God. Christianity is God coming to men and women through a relationship with Jesus Christ (on the back)" and then Leleigh started talking to me again about God and religion and movies and stuff and we got to have a good conversation about that and she invited me to the film society thing tomorrow night and I said sure I might come by and see it, (no idea what it is, but just trying to build the relationship). and it was good. Then left there and went to the library and ended up playing football with Danni out in front of the library and then carly came out.

Then went inside to read and nothing was reallyl productive and God was saying this isn't where you should be. so I said where? after fighting it a while, I went over to the computers and checked facebook and my email in which case I started using some of the conversation with Carly in an email I replied to with Michelle. Then I emailed Devon my old roommate cause I hadn't talked to him. I tried to look up Matt bunner cause I haven't seen him and know I need to find him but no luck. So I went to his room in which case I couldn't find him but maybe woke up his roommate and his girlfriend or something, oops. Then headed over to the art building cause thats where I felt like I was suppose to go. I found pictures on the way I knew were part of a Design I project so I took them in and dried them off. In the next room I saw Norma who I hadn't got to talk to so we stopped and talked to each other for alittle bit and she shared her plans for the future and I shared that God hadn't told me yet and what he had told me that i knew of for my future. So I get a text from Kayla that she figured something out so I started to come back and met danni and she was having some issues so we stopped and talked then Dr. Griffee walked by and Danni went to ask her something and something she said fixed whatever danni was going through. we went inside and I got some work done, got to talk to danni some, michael some, kayla some, and lynsi some. Turns out matt was in lab until the cafe was closed so we're going to meet for lunch tomorrow. anyways fast forward cause I know i wont remember it all. i got to eat dinner with danni and we played cards and had fun. I got stuff for cru set up, and on the way back from getting music stands I saw Zack, (a guy who came to the halloween party dressed as a priest smoking a cigar, and I believe had plans to be a cross dresser the next night. Anyways i saw him on facebook and his religious views were either athiest or roman catholic, then on a post about God being in control he replied with "you dont know since there is no god anyways.") either way I saw this guy walking along and I see him everywehre and each time Gods like say hi but each time he kind of looks the other way and makes it awkward and like he's snubbing me so I dont say anything then realized to show Gods Love I have to take the effort even when it's not easy. So I passed him in the hall and was like Hey Zack. we talked for a few minutes then mentioned setting up for cru and he said he'll try to make it sometime. I said ok that's cool. then he left with a "God Bless" which just threw me for a loop. Turns out that night was tonight. Sarah did an awesome job sharing her story and challenging us to step out in faith and put faith in action. There were so many people crying and I could just see that this is exactly what God was wanting, complete honest brokenness and sharing our heart and all it's scars and how he's healed it. It was one of the most beautiful things. Afterwards Zack comes up to sarah and she said he said "what I said really spoke to him, and that he's dealing with a lot of stuff like that right now, and that it's just nice to know that he's not alone, and he's got hope, and he'll eventually get through it." WOW! DANG! WOW!

Then Sherri calls me after I get to have this amazing conversation with Gary about God and then something else. But sherri calls to tell me that Amber has changed her religous views on facebook from "Agnostic to "trust your instincts" and she had just asked sherri to pray for her saying something to the extent of "I'm not really relgious, but could you pray for me since you are." and wow like shabam wow! Then Gary and I are still talking more about God and how he spoke to him and he set him in the direction he needs to go and all of this is happening because I told Joel I'd watch the cru stuff while they go perform at the Concord Idol show so we wait up there til like 11. I had something I had been wanting to ask someone but didnt know who or how and he had been praying to God about something he wanted to say but didnt' know how and somehow our conversation drifted to that and it was just like wa-thump. later in the conversation gary says this whole thing is kind of new to me, I mean me praying and God answering real direct and just there right now. It was a good conversation in which I need to put alot more prayer but yeah. then we had a meeting about christmas conference before and we had about 18 people who were there and there were some who werne't there so possibly be shaving my head and all but like 3 were registered so yeah. :) wow. and kayla got to talk to elizabeth and just chat and kind of calm the waters there and it's jsut been really good. and i've realized a little more what it's like to fully follow God not just where you think it's good.

oh my gosh i know this probbly doenst make since and is choppy but I need to go to sleep and be prepared for waht God has in store tomorrow. Love you guys. Thank GOD!

Change

So God kind of just dropped this thought in my head. It was kind of just came in and needs to get talked out so I'm talking it out.

Everything in life changes. Obviously. But seriously everything changes. Like muscles if you use them then they get stronger, if you don't they weaken and tear down. Papa Mace used to say "We're either going to get better or worse today, you can't stay the same." and all of that kind of sunk in today and tied with living and heartbreak. that if we refuse to change then we are asking for heartbreak. I talked to a friend earlier tonight and she (like all of us) wants to hold onto the past, past experiences, past friendships, past fun times, but if we try to stop and hold time then we're setting ourselves up for heartbreak because everything continues to change. It's like with high school friends we want to hold them in the same place we last left them but when we see them again we've changed and so have they, so we have to embrace the change and accept they're not the same person we think them as.

It seems as if Refusing to change is refusing to live. I say that because to live, truely really live, we must adapt and live today differently than we did yesterday, each experience changes us, each day adds another level of emotions, knowledge, experiences, and information for us to adapt to and helps curve and motivate our behavior. If we like our surroundings and we try to stop time (which would be the only thing to stop change) (time=change) by holding onto everything at it's direct moment we are refusing to live the next day. Like living one day over and over again, true it maybe a great day, but life isn't just about that one day high. If you think about it, by trying to hold onto the past is like saying your satisfied with life just as it is. (it's good to be content, never satisfied). Think of all of the bad things that a great day has, even if its not for you. There's still poverty, still starving people in every country in the world, still sin, still people who have never heard about a man named Jesus, still people who have heard the name but have yet to see his love carried out by people who claim to know him. We are refusing to let God work in our lives if we hang onto the past. We're saying we like where we are now and I don't want to be any closer to you or any more like you, God. I understand the fact of sometimes our relationship with God is better than other times. My relationship with God has had mountains above the clouds and valleys below sea level, but through each thing God has taught me a little more about who I am, who he is, who he's making me to be, and what his plans are for me. God says, "I know the plans I have for you, plans for you to prosper, plans for hope and a future." But we're stopping short by refusing to change and trying to hold onto the past.

Stopping short. . . It's like we're climbing a hill to get a picture at the top. We know once we get to the top we can see over everything and that it's going to be beautiful, the way the sun hits off the low lying clouds in some of the valleys and how the trees are 37 different shades of orange, but how the sun reflects off the blue water creating a shimmer that is just amazing. But all of that is hardly a quarter of what we could see on one side from the top of the mountain. We only know this from what we've see climbing it. So we start of climbing and make it like an 1/8 of the way up the hill and there's a clearing where we can see and it's beautiful. Then we make it 1/4 of the way up the hill and it's even more aspiring, so we take another picture. Then we get back to climbing and go through alot of bushes and briars and steep spots to get closer to the top. There's different spots along the way that we can stop and look to see how beautiful it is. Granted, sometimes we use the vision of what we have seen as encouragement and motivation to make it further. Sometimes we stop and take a rest too long at a clearing and miss the opportunity to be higher. We could walk backwards up the hill and keep looking at everything that's going on behind us, or we could turn around and strive towards the top. (kind of like looking at what God's doing in your life, occasionally it is good to turn around and just be amazed and in awe, but if we are just looking at how far we've come and what we've been able to accomplish, we don't really get anywhere else. We've taken our eyes off of the destination to look at the wakes behind us. Or like stopping weightlifting to check out our muscles, but if we look to long then we get no further, we get off course, and our strengths begin to wither.) The point of stopping short was like getting 1/4 of the way up the hill and being satisfied there. Stopping and seeing how beautiful it is and just sitting there with our half an acre of vision. The half-acre is beautiful but it's only a half-acre. Once we get to the top we can see for miles and miles and each of the little snip-its of beauty and glory are so intricately tied together that they just flabbergast and amaze us. So we shouldn't stop short or part way up the mountain. We should press on towards the goal or top, look at the beauty others have found also and encourage them to strive on (some briar patches take 2 or 3 to go through.), and not stop short, not to give up, keep letting God work in us and through us, and embrace the change which allows us to truely live life.

Only one thing is consistent, Everything else evolves with time.
We've all heard only one thing stays the same, only one thing is consistent before, but I guess I never really argued that or listened to it before. I tried to argue it this evening as if I was trying to present my case and prepared for all of the arguments against it, but nothing could stick. Money is the same- but money isn't the same as I've learned in Econ this semester that the value of money fluctuates more than some peoples blood temperature. The FED and other Gov't committees can pretty much control it and adjust it for inflation and unemployment, exports and imports, everything like that. Love is the same- I'd love for this one to be true, but love is not the same, at least not our love. If that was the case then in 3rd grade when we told the little girl I Love You it meant the same thing as I'll whisper to my bride on our wedding day as to I'll remind my wife as I leave the world. Our love changes, we learn of a whole new level of love each time we give it out we realize that there is more to love than we have previously known. Hate stays the same - Thank God it doesn't. Hitler's hate for the Jews is not the same Hate that we find today. Similar possibly but not the same. Hate like love can grow and decline with time. Death is the same- One, death is an act that only happens once so if you can die the same way a couple of times, you might have a case to plead. Two, we are dying of diseases now that no one would have thought of 100 years ago, not that we've now diagnosed them, but that we've made issues that have caused problems. Think of the black plague that once was, well, a plague but now we don't think about it. Writing has came along way, music along way, smiling isn't constant, moods are definitely not consistent. Seriously, the only thing that can be consistent is the one thing that exists outside of time, thats God and his Love for us (captial L different kind) (and i know that's kind of two things, but his Love is part of Him so it counts as one.) It's just amazing at the fact that every possible thing I can think of changes but one all but one, and no matter how you try to bend or skew it or stretch it and put it to the limit, it still never changes. It's a beautiful thing.

Jesus, the man.

So I've kind of wondered about Jesus as a dude. Not so much focusing on being God. Granted yes, I know he was 100% God, but he was also 100% man. So I wonder about the man side. I wonder how he carried himself. Most of us, atleast I didn't really think about Jesus as a guy. The Bible says he was sinless, but never says he was perfect, we just assume that he was. But I wonder about his grades in school. Did he have to study really hard? What was his favorite class? Did he get straight A's or was he more of a C student? It often reads that jesus didn't heal everyone, that he sent others away without touching them to save them from their infirmiries, but I wondered why and found that it was that wasn't his job. His job wasn't to heal everyone by touching them, by teaching in every synagog, it was all part of it and everything he did should be closely looked at, but he didn't do it all. He did what he was called to do. He did what his purpose was. So in that same sense, did Jesus do well in school, or was his purpose to focus on other stuff.

How did he react when the girls in junior high started flirting with him? How many girls were in-love with him? How did he gently turn them down saying. . . what would he say? I can't be slowed down by you? This isn't my purpose. There's someone specifically for you, (in his head: "Bill Hendricks of Jerusalem, he's a tentmaker"). But we think we should give everything our all, but we shouldn't really. Cause Jesus didn't give his everything to every aspect. If he would, he never would have accomplished half the stuff he would have? So did he pour himself into his studies? what about his carpentry? Did he pick it up right away? Did he smash his fingers? Did Jesus ever break a bone? Did Jesus fart in public? (you laugh, or maybe you think it's sacrilegious, but the Bible says he was human and he walked the earth. Therefore: by not accepting or thinking about him as a man is really getting an inaccurate picture of Jesus and ergo an inaccurate picture of God, which means your worshiping a false God. Ok, I know thats a bit of a stretch and whatever, but i think you get my point of why I want to see Jesus as a guy. Also, by seeing Jesus as a human it shows us a little more of how us, as humans should live. Sorry, I forgo to end the parenthesis so here's the end. ) <-see that was it.

I also wonder what his favorite food was. Did he like vegetables? Did he try to give them to the dog? Did he have a dog, ok maybe not a dog but a pet in general? If so what did he name it? Did he cry when it died? Was Jesus ever heart broken when he had to leave Mary and Joseph to start his ministry? Did he ever look back and get sad? Did he miss his friends from his childhood that had moved on. Did he ever contact an old friend to catch up? or did he always know exactly what was up? How would that conversation go if he did know? what would you say to the other person?

Was Jesus good at sports? What was his favorite one? Was he an introvert or extrovert? Was he good at art? (i mean helped make the world, but was he good with paints and sculpture?) What would it be like sitting through a bible study with him? Would he lead the conversation or would he let others figure it out for themselves and just help along the way? Did he play an instrument? which one? did he ever wish he could play one but couldn't? Did he ever want more? Not just more people and more God, but like more choices for food, or more musical ability, more free time? Well, I guess not cause he would have been content with whatever he has provided for him.



But then another thought comes up. If you don't see Jesus as the Son of God, the Messiah, the Lamb of God, the ultimate Sacrifice, the One, if you only see this man named Jesus of Nazareth as a historical figure, what would you think? The history books record him, but do they record him because he is simply the head of one of the largest world religions? Muhammad and Buddah both fit into that category, but they both had moral teachings: how to treat each other, yourself, nature, all of that jazz. They theorized and hypothesized and came up with formulas and awesome sayings that could change the world or the way it looked at things. But how often do you see Jesus quoted by a non-believer. I'll quote Ghandi, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." It's an awesome quote, and makes a very good point.

Wikipedia says on the "Historical Jesus" that "He preached the Kingdom of God, using pithy (precisely meaningful; forceful and brief) parables with startling imagery and was renowned as a teacher and a healer." It's a good start, but hmmm. It seems like it's missing some key elements in the life of Jesus. you know the whole coming back to life thing, but i guess thats not something you want to write in History books. It could cause someone to be uncomfortable, it could cause some thoughts, it could cause a revolution. a revolution is what I'm praying for. For the world to see who Jesus really is and to love and be in love with him. what the world would be like. . .

Mono?

I've been debating weather or not I should tell people I have mono. I've told the leadership team and the servant leadership team. Part of me says no, don't they'll make a big deal out of it. Part of me says yes, the more people know the more people can pray. So I've been going back and forth between weather or not people should know. The more I think about it, the more it seems as if the reason it's no is selfish and prideful.

I dont know why, but no one really wants to show when they're hurting or when they're not 100%. We think it makes us tougher or stronger. In the words of the Bridge Band, "I don't want to be strong, I want to be weak. Cause when I'm weak, I know You're strong."

Anyways I've been going back and forth and praying about it. Maybe it's because I don't want anyone to know so they don't treat me like a little baby. Maybe it's because I don't really want to admit I can't do everything to everyone. Maybe if I'm weak people think they can't trust me in my decisions in cru. Maybe it's because people wouldn't come to me for help, but instead they would keep it inside. I want to help, I love to help. It unfortunately is what keeps me going some days is when I can help other people.

I do want to do it so other people know I'm not just a gloomy gus. (or is that prideful in caring what other people think of me?) But I want to get to know people and hang out with them, and I don't want people to think I don't care. People could know so they know not to expect me to be doing everything I usually do. It will help give other people a push to take the initiative to step up. I do want people to know because last night Kristen asked me if I had it and after I admited it she asked how are you doing all of this? (cru stuff - setting up, playing, everything) and I just pointed up. I want people to know that I have absolutely no strength of my own. It is only what God supplies me that keeps me moving ahead. Which sadly enough is true everyday for everyone, but it took me to be scraping the bottom of the barrel before I would realize that. But I want people to see that it's God who's keeping me going. I could also just use the prayer. I'm a firm believer in it. It's worked pretty well for me for a while now so we'll go with it. Plus, I felt so touched and cared for when Kristen said, well I'm praying for you. It was such an encouragment to know that someone I don't really know that well cares enough to spend time talking to the creator of the universe for me.

I hit two verses today:
Mark 4:21-24
He said to them, "Do you bring in a lamp to put it under a bowl or a bed? Instead, don't you put it on its stand? For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open. If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear."
"Consider carefully what you hear," he continued. "With the measure you use, it will be measured to you—and even more.
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^I kind of feel like God's going yep. You should tell people. It's not about you. I looked up the words disclosed -(to make known; reveal or uncover) and consealed (To keep from being seen, found, observed, or discovered; hide.) and neither one of those helped me back out of telling people.

James 5:14-16
Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
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Yeah, I almost feel like a bit of a hippocrit because other people will tell me stuff and I"ll be like we'll lets tell people and let them be praying and all. I'll almost get mad at people when they won't let other people know so they can pray. But it's easy to help someone else, no one likes to admit their hurting or that people shouldn't know. It's easy to look at someone else adn say yeah we'll pray and lets get this and this adn this and lets go, but I dont want to make a big deal about me. I don't want people to know I'm hurting. I don't want people to think I'm a trooper, (selfishly yes, but I want whatever I do to point to God and show that it's only him behind me lifting up my lifeless body and carrying it through.)
So it looks like the more I talk about this, the more it seems obvious to tell people. "To live life transparently so others may see what's inside of me," was one of the things that came about this summer and I realized I need to do, and now I know what I need to do.
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"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9

Love that Covers Sins. . .?

I'm a little bumfuzzled about this one. I started out in James 5:19-20:

"My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover a multitude of sins."

The multitude of sins is what caught me awkward. I had read that somewhere else before and it didn't make sense to me then either. So I googled it and found it was in 1 Peter 4:7-8:

The end of all things is near. Therefor be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. "

Ok, to start with I think that he's making a very important point saying to be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Not so that we can act or lead others or serve, but just to pray. It shows the power behind prayer and that prayer is really the most powerful thing we can do. Hmm... I was just going to mention that but now that I think about it right before the first verses in James he says, "Therefore confess yours sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. THE PRAYER OF A RIGHTEOUS MAN IS POWERFUL AND EFFECTIVE" v16. So it makes me wonder how love covers a multitude of sins is related with prayer, apparently very closely.

But what I couldn't understand is how our love can cover sins? If it was love in general, I think it would be obvious they were talking about Jesus love and how he loved us so much to die on the cross, shedding his blood and "covering a multitude of sins". But in the verses it's talking to us, people, the church. . . .

My footnotes/commentary stuff in James say that it's talking about a Christian backslider, one who's saved, but isn't walking with God. It says "James urges Christians to help backsliders return to God. By taking hte iniative, praying for the person, and activating in love, we can meet the person where he or she is and bing him or her back to God and his forgiveness" - That seems like it's a lot dependent on us, but maybe he was meaning that it's Christ in us, but we have to be that willing vessel to go reach out. God can do a butload of crap through us, but we have to be willing to go.

I'm thinking it's talking about loving them no matter where they're are at and, in love, showing them where they're wrong and how to get back. . . . I think of when Jesus was walking and the deamon possessed man just came up and threw himself down infront of God, or Zacchaeus, he just went to his house and his love and his holiness convicted them of what they did wrong without even having to say anything. He didn't really call them out, his lifestyle just showed them what they were doing wrong. Like you think somethings white until you lay down something really white next to it then you realize how dirty the first thing is. Maybe thats why as we walk in Love and live a life of Love, the righteouness, we will show the world there's something better, something more white. It's not by saying look at us, it's by saying, look in me. Look at whats in me thats better than me. That kind of makes since that we should live a life of Love so that others see where they're wrong. One of the verses it references is Romans 11:13-14

"I am talking to you Gentiles . Inasmuch as I am the apostle to the Gentiles, I make much of my ministry in the hope that I may somehow arouse my own people to envy and save some of them."

I didn't really understand how that fit in to everything until now. In the hope that I may somehow arouse my own people to envy. Looking back Valerie was one of the ones who really got me wanting more out of my religious experience, who helped show me it was a relationship. She had something that I wanted, I didnt' know what it was. She was in-love with God, and was passionate about it, I wanted that. Even last night, Jud said something that he was just talking about himself and how he missed T really bad to where it was hurting him inside, and he said it realized it was because he hadn't been filled by God. Just him living his life of love helped me envy, and realize crap, thats me too. Ok maybe a bad reasoning, but with Valerie definitely. We cause people to envy what we've got so that they can have it to. It's like we remind people how good life was with God and that leads them back to asking for forgiveness. Thats how Love covers sin. It's the big L not the little l. But it's the Love that we show. It is the Christ in us, it's when we walk in Love - so it does kind of require our obedience, but it's still the God, big L, Love thats making a difference in others lives.

The other place that it referenced that stuck out is when Jesus summarizes the Law in Matt 22: 37-40.

"Jesus replied: ' 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with allyour soul and with all your mind' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.' "

Interesting that he said the Prophets hang on this stuff too. Hmmm. That with all the wisdom and all the knowledge and their direct communication with God, it's still about Love.

So lesson for Today: Fall in Love with God. Love others outside of your own capability, and walk in Love.